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What would you do with an oppositional and defiant 2 yr old little girl?

I love my dd don't get me wrong, but she is so bad with the temper tantrums, not listening and not caring if she gets punished that I am at my wits end with her and now my ds who is 7 is acting out and having anger issues at home. I have tried everything with her but she has between 3-4 meltdowns per day and this started when she was 15mths old(she will be 3 in July), I mean what the heck. I also have bipolar disorder and it is not helping my symptoms all the stress that she puts this family through. I am taking her to see the pediatrician on May 12th so that we can figure out what is wrong with her and how to help things. Am I overreacting by bringing her to the pediatrician for it?

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dizzy77702

Asked by dizzy77702 at 12:27 AM on Apr. 29, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 6 (106 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Bring her to the ped to rule out any emotional issues is smart. Have you read The Happiest Toddler on the Block? You basically have to get to their level when they are freaking out and say, "YES, I KNOW, you're MAD, MAD, MAD." and grunt and make faces to show you understand her emotion. In theory, toddlers can't communicate and so they are so angry they freak out. When you "act like a caveman, mimicking their behavior" they see that you are understanding them, which is really half of what they want. This could be a total crock but it worked with my son and I felt stupid doing it but hey, I was desperate. I also taught him to hit a pillow. My advice though, if this is just tantrums, nip it in the bud ASAP or it'll worsen and your life will be hell. You can also follow supernanny's tips for behavioral modification, which is something I also did.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:32 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • sounds like a healthy normal two year old child whose mother has "tried everything" except consistancy and age appropriate expectations.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • My dd's are pushing me over the edge!!! My 5 year old is teaching my 2 yr old twins all the bad stuff to do! She is testing you! Now as for your son he sees it and notice the attention she's getting(notice the latter part!?) and sees its getting her attention so he's doing it too! My 2 yr old daughter was tough at first; if I picked her up the wrong way, spoke too loudly she threw a fit that lasted 20 + minutes! Now I have learned her, her moods, and her behaviors and worked with that. We are cool now, talking to her and her twin brother like I do my 8 & 5 year old helps too(they don't feel left out or insignificant!). I don't do the friend thing; I'm mommy AND a friend, but don't cross me! You are not EVER WRONG for seeking help for your kids and should ALWAYS TURN TO SOMEONE YOUR COMFORTABLE WITH AND TRUST!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 12:39 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Start by not labeling her. When properly socialized stubborn can become determined and oppositional can become assertion. Those are leader traits, are they not? You need to work on teaching her how to display them in a more positive way and you need to learn to see her personality in a better light. While a quiet obedient child may be easy to parent, they are not the child you want to send out in to the world. Tell her, "wow, you really must want me to hear you but i can't understand you when you yell. let's sit so you can tell me what you are feeling or thinking". Repeat back you are hearing her. Then maybe say "I know you are angry because you do not want to stop playing to go to the store. I would rather play too. But we need to get that milk . So, let's go to the store and get milk and play the I spy game. When we come back we can get out the sidewalk chalk. Let's see who can race to the car first!"
    kara_g.

    Answer by kara_g. at 10:48 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

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