Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should something that happened 7 yrs ago not really matter?

So when i was 16 my parents were seperateing and i was one of those kids that was full of anger and hate. I would write down how crazy my mom was when she would scream at the walls for hrs and how she was mean and I was scared. Well after all that I really dont talk to my father as much. He finally after 7 yrs returned our stuff which had letters to my friend about what was going on. The other day my mother read them and now she wont talk to me. Should someone stay mad at something that was 7 yrs ago. I know it hurts I understand that. But is it really a big deal?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Apr. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Well I'm sure hearing horrible things about herself hurts her but I think her not talking to you about it is kind of immature. Yes no one likes to find out that their child was saying bad things about them but it was a past situation...very far in the past...and you had your own reasonings for saying these things...whether they were true or not you were just venting your feelings about the situation that was taking place at that time. I think it is stupid for people to EVER stay mad or become mad about things that have happened in the past. Life is too short.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:44 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • no i think she needs to understand you were 16 then and now ur an adult and she needs to also be an adult

    Answer by preggoinmn at 11:44 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • For now, probably (is a big deal). She didn't know about that and it hurts her to know that the daughter she loved could have had so much hate for her.
    But, she'll get over it. You were just an angsty teenager...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • said that after the divorce, you haven't really talked to your dad all that much. Seems there's been some anger held on there for 7 years. Might be a little bit of karma tapping you on the shoulder now ---- I don't know.

    To answer your question, though, no. It's not good to stay angry. Not good for you, not good for the people around you, not good in trying to solve the issue. She's probably just shocked -- just NOW disocvering the letters. They're old news to you, but fresh off the presses to her. Give her time to process it, she'll come around.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 11:45 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Im not angery anymore. It was in the past. holding grudges is dumb and Now i understand what happened. she knows that

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Also, those things probably took her back to how she was feeling at that time. It can't be easy to have that thrust on you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I think she is mostly hurt that (a) something she did caused her child that much pain and (b) you weren't able to talk to her about it at the time. I don't think she is truly mad at you. She is angry, hurt, and mad at herself.

    Should it matter? No. To me, it's like being angry at your 16 year old when you find a picture she drew when she was 8 or 9 that shows mommy as a big, angry ugly monster. People change. Situations change. Especially when one of the people was a child. I doubt there is a person on the planet who has the same thoughts, beliefs, and self-centered attitude in their mid-20's that they had in their teens.

    I'd give your mom time. She needs to work through her issues now that she knows how angry and hurt you were at the time.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 11:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • You cannot hold someone responsible as an adult for something they did as a child. your mother needs to be told that. Of course to her those things you wrote didn't happen 7 years ago, they happen when she read the letters. But a mature adult would of course be hurt, but also understand that those were the rantings of an angry confuse adolescent that was going through her family breaking up. She in part was responsible for that. Her not talking to you is immature and selfish, but maybe she also feels a little ashamed and embarrassed. Give a her a little time to process what she just learned and then try to talk to her. My parent divorced over 20 years ago and it still effects out lives.

    Answer by jenlenr at 11:51 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • She's is probably hurt, by the things that you wrote, she probably didn't know she was that bad, and it affected you the way it did, but you were a child going through a rough time, for me writing stuff down is the only way to let it out, I wrote terrible things about my husband when we were dating and going througha rough time, he read it once, and never will again, he felt like crap after seeing the effect his actions had on me, tell your mom that the past is the past, and the things you wrote several years ago have nothing to do with the way you feel right now, she seems like she's being a little over dramatic by not even talking to you though. Good luck.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 12:19 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • You have to understand that you wrote that and felt that 7 years ago but your mother is reading that and feeling that now. So even though you are over those feelings she is experiencing it new because she never knew then. If she read the letters when you wrote it then she probably would be over it by now.

    Answer by mothershort9 at 12:21 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
help what should i do?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
Difference in dates