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Anyone ever tell you that you have no "Me Rights" now that you have kids?

I don't go out without our son. Nobody watches our kid unless it's a wedding, funeral, Dr's appt or somewhere else a child is prohibited and my DH is going too. All I ever heard from my mom is that nobody helped her with us. Later I found out it was B.S. that my grandmother took care of my brother for the first 3 months. (my mom was starving herself and sleeping all the time) Yet when I was sore from a c-section and couldn't keep my house clean, she was the first one there criticizing me for it. I don't ask for help anymore. It makes me feel like less of a woman to need it. It's crazy though to think 1 person can handle a lot without a break.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • A lot of the junk the older generations tell us is just that... junk.
    "I didn't have time to be depressed" is a favorite of all moms who have PPD.
    "I just managed" or "I just dealt with it" is another one that all moms hate.

    I think what many moms with grown children forget is just how much help they did have. Neighbors were closer 30, 40 years ago. Houses were smaller. We had less stuff to keep clean and maintain. Did you know that moms now spend about TWICE as long doing housework as moms did in the "good old" "Leave it to Beaver" days? They also weren't expected to teach their children. Kids went to kindergarten to get a head start for learning the ABC's and 123's in 1st grade. Now kids are expected to be ready to learn to read - or even reading already - when they ENTER kindergarten. And who teaches them? Mom.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I do everything for our daughter. My husband never has gotten up with her. I was sick 2 days after having her and she got sick at 5 days old and it was me taking care of her 24/7. I cook, clean and take care of my house. 36 hours after having her I was home doing laundry, cleaning and packing to drive 8 hours back to my home state. I get no help and my daughter has been left with my mom a total of 4 times and maybe a total of 6 hours in those 4 times and my sister kept her all night at 6 days and then watched her for 2 hours once while I was home. If I go my child goes and I never get me time. My husband takes care of her maybe 30 minutes a day and that includes bath time and everything. He never helped and I was told how crazy I was for driving home when my baby was exactly 2 days old but if I didn't do it then who else would just like my house chores?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • My life was that way w/ my ex husband. I had no family or friends to watch my child, i didn't mind though. She was the only positive thing i had. Once we divorced though, i got a break from time to time.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • When you have a child, this is the risk that you take. Mothers usually, not always, wind up as the primary or sole cargiver. We do the best for our child and hope that it is good enough.

    And you don't get to compare your situation with anyone else's (you don't get to compare children, either). This just creates unhealthy anger and resentment.

    Do you have a friend or neighbor or relative you can trade childcare with?

    Good luck to you and please let me know how you are doing

    -Robin
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:52 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • If you don't take care of yourself physically, mentally & emotionally you will have a more difficult time taking care of your child. Yes, primary responsibility is yours for caring for your child, but what's wrong with a little "you" time on occasion. Too bad your mom is being that way. Most grandparent would treasure a couple of hours of time spent alone w/ their grandkids.
    chaster

    Answer by chaster at 2:55 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • if i didnt have "me" time ever i would probably not be here
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • YOU DESERVE a break!!!!! Mommy's do so much and they should be entitled to having some me time every now and then. I wish I got a little more me time every now and then. You are NOT less of a woman just because you need it. I would say you were crazy if you never took any time for yourself. Get a babysitter for an hour or two if no one else will give you a break. Try care.com and look for sitters in your area. :]
    beautifulinlove

    Answer by beautifulinlove at 4:24 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

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