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Is he really this much of a jerk? ...

... or do other men feel this way?
Me and the fiance, who is my three-year-old daughter's father, were watching TV last night, and he asks me when Mother's Day is. So I tell him, and jokingly say "Why, you gonna plan something special?" He says "Well, I've got to get my mom a gift". Well, that changed the mood completely; I just about burst into tears, and instantly remembered Mother's Day last year: he didn't so much as pick me a flower, much less get me a card or anything else, because I'm "not his mother". WTF??? I was getting cards from girlfriends who don't even have children, and he can't be bothered to do one nice thing for me, the mother of his daughter, because I'm "not his mother"???
Please tell me I'm not engaged to the biggest jerk on the planet, and that there really are other men out there who are this heartless and this is just a fact of life in dealing with the less sensitive male sex ...

 
elenasmom905

Asked by elenasmom905 at 3:44 PM on Apr. 29, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I sat my husband down and 'innocently' said, "Honey, I know you'll want to do something special for me for mother's day, but please know that I don't want you to spend a bunch of money. I know! How about if you write a letter to me about what you appreciate about me as the mother of your children!" It actually worked. He writes me a nice letter every year and I LOVE it!
    divakristi

    Answer by divakristi at 4:42 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I DONT EXPECT NOTHING FOR MOTHER'S DAY..USUALLY MY SON MAKES ME SOMETHING BUT OTHER THEN THAT THE HUBBY DONT GET ME ANYTHING..WE DO SOMETHING SPECIAL TOGETHER LIKE GO TO THE PARK OR GO GET ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING..I DO GET OUR MOTHERS SOMETHING SMALL.. I CANT SEE WASTING ANY EXTRA MONEY...
    TAMMSTWINS

    Answer by TAMMSTWINS at 3:48 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Happy Mother's Day!

    He is a jerk. You are right and I would have been hurt too. It's not about only his mom but it is about celebrating Moms everywhere. Men don't rationalize the way we do. He should have been more sensitive to how you feel.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • get over it.
    just becAus hes the father of ur child doesnt mean he fricking owes you anything!you are not his mother..go away his mother is more important than you and you need to get over yourself and stop expectiing something like that from him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • He should get you something from your daughter. Not from him.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 3:52 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • My ex was this way. He never gave a damn about mothers day. He called it a "hallmark" holiday, though he still got something for his mom because if he didn't he said it would hurt HER feelings. Well what about mine??? HELLO!!!!!! My now fiance is NOT the father of my daughter & always gets me flowers for mothers day, because he says I'm a wonderful mother. So, i guess yeah....some guys are that way, but not all of them. I would write him a note & tell him why you think you should be appreciated more on mothers day. don't get in an argument, just let him know how you feel, he may change once he understand how you feel about it. he may not know.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:53 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Well, what did you do for him for father's day last year?

    I don't think he's a jerk, I think he just thinks that this is about HIS mother and that you will get gifts from your kid when the kid is older. If you want him to do something special, you need to ask him to. He may genuinely not understand that you want him to acknowledge you as the mother of his child and that this is important to you.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 3:53 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • i agree with chrissy. Last year on mothers day my fiance got me flowers and a card from "new baby" lol i was pregnant and we didnt know what we were having or a name and for fathers day i got him a card and a dvd he wanted. Nothing crazy just something simple to celebrate each of our days
    Kennadismom

    Answer by Kennadismom at 4:06 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I think you are reading too much into it. I mean we are talking about a man here. Even the most sensitive guy cannot be expected to take the initiative to think about how other people feel outside of himself. I dont think he is saying that you are a bad mother, or that you dont deserve a Mother's Day present. He is just self absorbed and in his own world.
    My girlfriends and I just do things for ourselves for Mother's Day. I dont leave it up to my husband, and if there is something that I am really wanting then I can get it for myself without feeling guilty, i.e. I had generational photos taken as my Mother's Day present this year. This will be the first present I have had of any kind since he was deployed over a year ago. I could care less if he skips Valentines Day, or Anniversaries, or Birthdays, as long as he verbally acknowledges the day. Presents just end up being more crap I need to sale at a garage sale, or dust!
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 4:11 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Anon 3:51, holy shit, just when I think I've seen the worst "advice" cafemom has to offer, you go and BY FAR surpass every ignorant a**hole I've encountered thus far! I mean wow! Why would you say something so f*cking rude to someone who's feelings are hurt and wants a little advice? You are a D*CK!!!! Why don't you comment again without being a chicken shit and hiding behind anonymous?
    Candice369

    Answer by Candice369 at 4:12 PM on Apr. 29, 2009