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Need advice....what do you think?

I brought up the idea of a vow renewal, my hubby said no. He would only do it if it were us (& kids). So what's the point of a vow renewal then??? It's supposed to be in front of friends and family. He said that he doesn't want people there who have negative thoughts about our marriage....so I'm assuming he thinks everyone has these feelings. He says that he knows how his family is and they're probably gonna roll their eyes about the whole thing...as if to say "why a vow renewal, it's not like you guys are THAT happy." I told him it doesn't matter what others think, it's about us celebrating our marriage. He says that he doesn't want to do it...not in front of everybody else. Do you think he truly doesn't want to cuz HE is not that happy in the marriage? And a vow renewal would just make him uncomfortable. Why would a hubby who claims to be happy in a marriage not want a vow renewal regardless of what other ppl think? Why?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Apr. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Aww I think it would be cute to do just a private ceremony with your kids :)

    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 5:03 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Do you have other reasons behind wanting to do this? Looking for a reason to show off or have a big party? Get gifts? Attention? It sounds like a nice idea, but it can't work if your husband isn't on board.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Are you sure he wasn't meaning that people would assume your marriage is bad, and that's the reason he doesn't want to?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Actually OP, it's NOT about other people being there to see it. It's about you TWO sharing your vows to EACHOTHER and meaning it. It does NOT have to have ANYONE else but you and your children. Maybe a photographer if you want pictures.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I think the vow removal should be between you, your husband, and your children. You are recommitting to each other, why does that have to involve anyone else?
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 5:09 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • OP: I want to do a vow renewal because we never really had a wedding. We were married by the courts, so we don't really have nice pictures or anything to remember the day by..just some snapshots. I would like to get all dolled up and have a somewhat nice dress and just be able to take nice professional photgraphs that we can treasure forever. Since the day we actually got married has passed, the next best thing is to have a vow renewal! Or so I thought.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • How long have you been married? A lot of people do it after they've had a break up or went thru a really rough patch. I think women are more in to the whole renewal thing than men are. My hubby wanted a very small private ceremony because he feels the same way I do, it's not for everyone else, it's for us. We're not big on the whole big fanfaer thing (most men aren't).
    If your hubby isn't comfortable doing it in front of a group, then you can't force him to and really, if he thinks that there would be negative feelings with certain people, why would you want to invite them? I'm assuming they were there for the original ceremony, so it's not like anyone's cheating them out of that honor. If you seriously want the renewal for what it should be, a reaffimation of the love you have for one another, then respect his feelings and do it privately and enjoy it for what it is.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:14 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • OP: Everyones advice makes sense! Thanks for letting me see the other angle and not just focusing on the bad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • If you want the pretty pictures... get all dolled up and go to a professional place and have some pics done (you could even rent a wedding dress and tux).
    Pictures really are nice, but you'd treasure a family picture just as much now :)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:26 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

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