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Husband HAD an affair still took him back but!!!

I left my husband after finding out he was having an affair 2 months b/f our 10th anv. he left rented a house and continue a wonderful life for him, not 7 months later he decided to leave the other woman he was dating and wanted to come home and be with his kids and me, he is been home for about 9 months but still has NO DESIRE to have sex with me, he says he loves me but NOT ATTRActed to me, and says he came home to be a good father for his kids. Question?

1. why would he leave his happy single life dating many women and His special person and come home if he does not love me?

2. Why isn't he wanting to sleep with me?

He says b/c he hates the way I look

He finds me Unattractive

so, what do I do?

he is a good person, no drugs, sweet, Loved by everyone and Handsome, so IS IT ME??? I am soo ugly??

With love



Asked by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I think your marriage could benefit from some counseling. It is not right for him to treat you that way! Doesn't he know that morally & biblically you had a right to divorce him and never let him back in your life? He is very lucky that you let him come back. He should not withhold himself from you. Love goes WAY beyond physical attractiveness. Yes, we should try to take care of our bodies and be the best we can be, but if he loved you once, he could fall in love w/you all over again & that love comes from "who" you are, not what you look like physically. This has been proven over & over through people who've had accidents and have some type of physical disfigurement. If something were to happen to me and I wasn't physically attractive to my husband anymore, he'd love me anyway and the same goes for me to him. Best wishes!.

    Answer by etexmom at 12:13 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • He may be a good father but that doesnt mean that you should continue to be unhappy how awful he is saying you're not attractive!! pack up and leave for good, you two can have visitation rights established and what not, but you deserve to be happy too, you dont need to feel like you;'re never gonna be good enough

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 6:42 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • He may have contracted something while being unfaithful! Honey you let him back, it is NOT you!

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 6:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • no, it's not you he's just an ass hole, i'd tell him to leae & even with him not in the house with you he can still be a good father to his kids, don't allow him to make you feel like crap, leave him & move on and find someone who will love you for you & that will treat you right

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 6:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Did he USED to find you attractive? Have you changed something? Like did you used to try to impress him and now don't care about your appearance at all?

    I think you guys should definatley try to work it out but it doesn't sound like he's very happy. He shouldn't move back home just to be a good father to his children...he has to want to be a good husband to you too.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 6:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Maybe she dumped him and he decided to come back where it's safe? This is your choice, either dump him if he's not attracted to you or I guess, do a few things differently to spruce up whatever it is he finds unattractive. I guess. But I think you should honor who you are and if he can't love you or sleep with you then it's his issue not yours.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:44 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • If he loved you he wouldn't care about how you looked. The husband of a very large woman might ache to see her risking her life by being overweight, but he wouldn't say he thought she was ugly, unless he wanted to jar her into losing weight. This is just an example, you don't say what in particular he says he doesn't like. I can't think of anything other than a health concern that would make someone behave in such a rude manner about appearance to his wife. So what is it? Your hair shorter? Longer? your eyebrows plucked? Not plucked? Unless there is a health problem, I don't get it. Counseling would see to be called for here.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:47 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Sorry to hear this it is a terrible time for you I am sure so make sure you stop questioning you. You are not unattractive you are the mother of his children, you are the most beautiful person for him. Being a good father includes being a good husband the two go hand and hand. He wants his cake and blah blah blah. Its not you. My dh did a similar thing at the age of 41 after we had our first grandson. The man was faced with a new part of his life and couldnt deal. He was gone for about 6 mo and realized he missed his family. Do what you have to do for you and your children. Dont let him keep hurting you but make up your own mind after much prayer. You both made those children you both have equal responsibility to keep the family together. I really hope things work our for the best and your family stays together the way it is supposed to be.

    Luv me

    Answer by Vivian63 at 6:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • do not stay together for the kids, my parents did that for over 12 years and just now finally got their divorce. they were incredibly unhappy, fought if they talked at all, and let me tell you that doesn't leave a good idea of relationships and how they work in the mind of the children involved. add on if you guys aren't happy than you aren't going to do what is best for your kids. he sounds like an a$$ telling you he wanted to come back then refusing to sleep with you b/c he is telling you you are ugly! would you put up with that in a man you were dating?

    Answer by vabchmommy at 6:51 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I'm not saying this to be mean, but sometimes people simply are not attracted to each other anymore. If you've gained weight, then maybe you could join a gym, or just to tone up. A lot of women stop dressing nice once they have children (I myself don't care as much about the way I look but my kids are dressed nice at the sacrifice of my wardrobe).
    Take the time to do your hair, your nails, make-up if you wear it, but most of all, it's important to have inner beauty to make yourself attractive. If you're questioning if you're that ugly (when he said he wasn't attracted to you) then you're feeling ugly and I don't know you, but you need to love yourself first.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:52 PM on Apr. 29, 2009