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I hate how my sister treats her children. a 5, 4, and 1 year old. She is cruel to them in my opinion. I can't keep my mouth shut anymore...do i tell her?

Her children aren't allowed to cry when they are hurt, it appears that she rations her kids meals and sometimes even chastizes them for wanting seconds, she won't allow them more water with dinner after 1 glass, and when they do get into trouble she makes them kneel on the hardwood floors with thier noses on the wall. She has even hinted at the fact she makes them kneel on rice or stand barefoot on beans (she has stated to all of us, 4 sisters and mother, that she asked her caseworker if this was considered child abuse and she was told it was not.) She offered that information to us after we had all expressed our anger at her punishment regimen. The beans and rice was one of the MAIN reasons we all quit taking our kids to her house or even visiting. The other being she plainly stated that at her house all kids are treated the same...and that included punishment and none of us want our kids subject to that cruelty.

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RubyDrm

Asked by RubyDrm at 11:26 PM on Apr. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • From the sounds of it, you all have already expressed your opinions about her form of punishment, right? What good did it do? So when you go to discuss this with her (which I would do) make sure you use a different tactic that may hopefully get through to her.

    Mangy_Momma

    Answer by Mangy_Momma at 11:31 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I say that is abuse.
    MythicMMM

    Answer by MythicMMM at 11:31 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • Tell her, respectfully, "I do not agree with the way you discipline or treat your children. I am sorry, but I do not want my children around that sort of my environment, and DEFINITELY do not want them treated that way. You are my sister, and I love you, but the way you treat your children bothers me. If things change, call me and we'll get together. Until then, I'm sorry, but I can't come see you."

    If she has a problem with it too bad. They are her children, and she can raise them as she sees fit. (I do not like what you described myself!) But you don't have to subject your children to that.
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 11:33 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I'd call CPS myself and ask if it was abuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • This isn't abuse. this was how I was treated in my home growing up and I had a pretty happy childhood. One glass of water so we wouldn't fill up on it, one serving because we didnt' have a lot of food, kneeling on rice because it hurt and at the same time we weren't getting hit. Just don't let your kids be disciplined by her if you don't like it. But I dont' see a problem with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I think she lied to the caseworker when she told her what she was doing to her kids. During World War II, Japanese officers were punished for war crimes for treating Prisoners of war in the same way, kneeling on rice or bamboo, rationing food, etc. This is child abuse, and there's no excuse for it. Downright evil and cruel. I'm sorry to the other Anon writer who was treated this way also. That's not right, and if you don't say anything to her, or to the proper authorities, you're just as guilty. Those kids deserve better. If you wouldn't like your kids in that, then why would you allow the same for your nieces and nephews. Good Luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Apr. 29, 2009

  • I don't think her caseworker told her this was O.K. You should mention it to the caseworker and see if she says the same to you.

    dreyamom

    Answer by dreyamom at 12:44 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Definately talk to a case worker. Maybe more than one. The problem with what she is doing (other than the fact that its mean and wrong) is that she is starting a cycle of abuse that her kids will carry on to their kids and so on. Are her kids so bad that they need this kind of discipline? If so then she did something wrong while raising them along time before now.
    5isenoughforme

    Answer by 5isenoughforme at 1:29 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I don't know if it's considered abuse, but she doesn't sound like a very good mom. If you have concerns and she won't listen then talk to her caseworker.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:39 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Don't allow your kids to go to her house. You can report her to CPS but I don't know if they'll be able to do anything. Try to be a present aunt for your nieces and nephews though. Invite them to come and stay at your house as often as possible so that they can get some respite.

    If she already has a case worker, does that mean she's been reported before? I would think that withholding food and water would be considered abusive and negligent. I can't imagine why she would deny them water... that's sounds just plain crazy. I'd never let my kids go there.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:17 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

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