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I was/am an only daughter. How do I confront my single mother about her behavior during and after my college years?

Mother's Day is coming up. I'm going to turn 25. I haven't seen my mother since last mother's day, haven't even spoken to her on the phone, since she falsely accused me of posting naked pictures of her on the internet. Since then I feel she is crazy, I'm uprooted in family. My other relatives wouldn't get it, we aren't close, I don't trust them. As time went on, she became much more explosive and high maintenance. When I had a hospital procedure, we drove home, she blew up at me in the car, furiously demanding why I didn't want her watching, called my feelings wrong, shouting, while I was recovering. I had to jump out of the car, wrestling away. I still hate her and can't trust her, and am so afraid to tell her because I fear being hurt. She moved out, I fear she threw away my art, I'm afraid to ask. I've given up, tried to pretend she is dead. It hurts. It's never going to go away. What do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 AM on Apr. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Well you need to just stay away if she want to speak with you she will find you and maybe she is crazy and you have done everything right in your life so don't let your mom bring you down . some thing are better left alone to keep you sane. Write her a letter before you go knocking on her door if you hear nothing then just stay away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • To make YOU feel better you first need to decide to either write a heart felt letter explaining everything your heart honestly feels without holding back or you tell her to her face. If you are fearing she is going to hurt you, you should simply not put yourself in that situation of being near her anymore. I have very uprooted family baggage too without going into a story I had to go through this same situation with three people in my family! It is so emotional and depressing. Why cant our mother or whom ever be who they are suppose to be?! Find YOURSELF and your best interests. Love yourself then you can love others. When you explain everything, you must except her for who she is and agree to leave her out of your life and apologize for her behavoir on your behalf to ONLY make your mind and heart feel better about it all! If you have to get a restraining order, move if its an option and start your life how you want it.

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:15 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Family pasts does not make us who we are! What you take and learn from your past is what makes you YOU! Learn from it and if you want to talk more I would love to help you through this!!!! Good luck

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:16 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Just stay away from her. Blowing up at someone that is already mentally unstable is unproductive and won't change her for the better. In the long run, you are better off on trying to better yourself.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Thank you all. Somedays I wish it could be the way it was before college. I haven't been able to do anything but resolve not to talk to her for my own sake, but it also means cutting out people/friends I knew from home on the issue if they knew her, and our family as well. Which is terrible - I don't have anyone to talk to who is close, or a good judge. My longtime friends don't really say much. I manage to get by, but it's just not easy. I can't imagine what life might have been like now, if we were still close, and she was still okay. I wish I could imagine that now, I'm too scared. Getting married someday, having children, I would have wanted her to be there, but there is no reason now. She'll die, that will be it. I tried to let my grandmother know, but she had no response. I don't think my mother is stable, she could be, I'm sure she is to other people, but I don't know, and I can't take it.

    Answer by sodafizz2 at 7:11 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Sounds like mom might have a personality disorder and can't control her emotions. Just live your life and be happy. You can't be responsible for her and you can't 'fix" her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:25 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • She also followed her husband around a lot because she thought he was cheating, tells me to not mention it to him. After years, I stay out if it. Once, after they had a fight and didn't talk for a week, she bought a testing kit to test his soiled boxers to see if he was cheating. I started to help, thinking she was vulnerable and possibly taken advantage of, thinking I was helping, but got extremely offended in the middle of it, called an ex boyfriend before the process, then ran out, furious, and not able to bear the problem. Since then we haven't mentioned it, she never finished that test. Which, offended me again because I then thought she was lying. It's stupid. She can't handle that I'm a stepdaughter, either...

    Answer by sodafizz2 at 12:15 AM on May. 3, 2009

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