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WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THE FATHER OF YOUR KIDS WHAT TO SEE THEM AFTER

LEGALLY WE ARE STILL MARRIED, BUT BEEN SEPERATED FOR 8 YEARS. HE HASN'T SEEN MY KIDS IN 7 YEARS. HE WAS INTO DRUGS, AND LET HIS GIRLFRIEND CONTROL HIM. HE IS NOW IN PRISON AND IS SUPPOSE TO BE GETTING OUT IN JULY. HE HAS CALLED MORE TO TALK TO MY 12 YR. OLD DAUGHTER, MY SON WONT TALK TO HIM. HE WANTS TO COME SEE THEM WHEN HE GETS OUT. MY SON HAS ALREADY SAID HE WOULD KILL HIM IF HE EVER SEEN HIM AGAIN. MY SON IS 14. MY DAUGHTER HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE SHE DON'T WEANT TO GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM, BUT WANTS TO SEE HIM AND HER HALF BROTHER AND SISTERS. SO MY QUESTION IS WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THE FATHER OF YOUR KIDS WANTED TO SEE THEM AFTER 7 YEARS? HELP PLEASE!!

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okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 8:57 AM on Apr. 30, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You sound like you need a lawyer. Those children need some counseling before this man demands anything from them or you. Look to the children's advocacy center near you.

    Vivian63

    Answer by Vivian63 at 9:06 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I have been in that siutation recently. My son is almost 13 and his father hasn't been around in 6 years and the 7 before that, it was very sporadic. He called to ask to see my son and I told him that it was up to MY son. My son said he only wanted to talk to his father so he could see his halfbrother. I didn't allow visits without me there and I won't until my son says he wants them. His father has acted like he is father of the year, has tried to demand that I change the way I parent my son, demand that my son not see my friends or spend time with my exbf. He demands that I take him off his meds for ADD, allergies and asthma because kids don't need to be on meds. He told my son that school was not important and he doesn't have to go to college. I say, visits only with you there and to get an attorney. PM me if you want more, I have lots to say.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:30 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • the reason my son has anger issues toward him is because he has beat him when he was young, and he has seen his sperm donor beat me, and my son would grap my daughter and sheild her from all the crazyness. my daughter remembers some, but not the real bad stuff. me and my daughter has to there father that he don't want anythig to do with him, he(father) said that my son has to get over the past and go foward. thats something you cant get over. his father allowed his girlfriend to throw him out in the rain and not let him in when he was 6 years old. the father allowed his girlfriend to try and force my daughter to eat mac n cheese with roaches in it. i showed up to get her and she was crying. i went off on her and there suppose to be father.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 12:33 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I really can't relate, but to answer your question what would you do- I would allow them to see the father with my supervision. Maybe all go out to lunch or something small. I would also tell my 14 year old not to talk like that, that that man is his father and he should rethink his words and that yes he did bad in the past but maybe he should give him a second chance. The father is trying, why can't you try a little too?

    Vanessannd

    Answer by Vanessannd at 1:40 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I think it would be great if they saw each other IN counseling. There is alot to process for everyone. I would not leave either of the kids alone with him. JMO
    malindasb

    Answer by malindasb at 12:32 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • vannwssannd--- I am sorry but that man does NOT deserve any respect, he ignored his kids for 8 years,he deserves what he gets. My son has no respect for his father either, he hasn't been around in 13 years. I do NOT blame the OP for not trying too hard, it is her job to protect her child, even from their father. Just because you contributed the sperm/DNA doesn't mean you are responsible enough to be a parent. Just because they are kids doesn't mean they can't think for themselves and be hurt by their parent ignoring them for most of their life.

    OP: PM me, I am in the same situation...I will talk anytime,
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:34 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • i was that little girl. my dad was in prison for 7 years and let his girlfriend control him. i still loved him, but i eventually realized that he wasnt all that great. let her see him, tell your son he can go to a friends house. but you meet up with him first, see if hes doing good. and only let him see her if he is.
    LA09TKP

    Answer by LA09TKP at 12:41 PM on May. 1, 2009

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