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I need some Advice on raising girls as a stepmom, please?

Hello I am new to this site, and would like some advice on raising two girls 10 and 6.
I am a step-mom more or less. I am been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and have been helping him raise his two beutifull girls since. We have them 4 - 5 days Sunday-thursday. Lately it has been very difficult with the ten year old. I am constantly compared to her mother and she seems to be very obstinent with me lately. I'm hearing " your not my mom you cant tell me what to do " " I hate you"
or just comments that are unusual coming from her. I have a full time job and I do my very best for the kids- take them to school-pick them up- cook dinner-baths-playtime. Is there somthing else I can do to figure this problem out? I love them both very much and only want the best. Help?


Asked by alicia26616 at 10:01 AM on Apr. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (3)
  • shes at an age where she is starting to really figure the world out. i would maybe talk to her birth mom (if you are on good terms with her) about the situation, maybe hearing from her "real" mother about how she needs to treat you and listen when she is in your home, will help her realize its ok for her to do so. the girl may feel like she is betraying her mom by being in your home and listening to you. your SO also needs to be involved in that discussion if possible that way she sees from both her bio parents that, yes you aren't her "real" mother, however when she is in your house she has to respect the rules and what not you set forth. and that yes she does have to listen to you. i'm not a step mom nor do i have a step mom but i know other moms who are and they have said they had to do this at one point or another closer to the teenage years

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:04 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Try being more like a friend than a parental figure, she may feel as though you and her father are trying to replace her mother in some ways. She may feel that she should be a certain way towards you, so as to be on her mothers side. Good luck with it all!

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 10:51 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I can tell you from experience, don't try to be the mom. They are your BF children. We have an agreement with our son that his step mom and step dad are just that. All the discipline comes from Mom & Dad. Of course you can give guidance but it makes it much easier on all parties if you stay neutral. Step parenting is the hardest job in the world. When my son is at his fathers his his dad tells him what needs to be done and when he gets home if it is not done then he handles it. The step mom does nothing but report if needed. He lives with me and my DH does nothing except support my son. Good luck

    Answer by dillonsma at 3:35 PM on Apr. 30, 2009