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How do you fix a husband who does not respect you? I am seriously considering divorce.

My husband basically finds ways to make me feel like a lazy idiot all the time. I work two jobs and go to school full time. 30 hours a week are from home and 16 hours a week are outside of the home. He doesn't take my home job seriously because it is in the house, but it brings in about 40% of our income. He works full time, and he thinks that is enough...he will go do his hobbies or lounge around the house after work and does nothing to help me because I'm "home all the time". I feel like I bust my ass...I mean bust my f*ck*ng ass all day long to try to make a better life for our family and he doesn't appreciate a thing I do. I just don't think he respects me at all. I don't know if it can be fixed, and to be honest, I don't even feel like trying. I want him gone. I don't want to deal with it. Has anyone felt like this? What did you do? What is your advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Apr. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It sounds like with everything you are doing and no help from him, that you could do it on your own. If your heart is already saying "I'm done" then be done.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 2:32 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • People can't be fixed if they don't want to be fixed, it's that simple
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:28 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Ditto.

    Lay down the law.. either you respect me or i'm leaving you
    theres no sense in tht..
    kylesboo

    Answer by kylesboo at 10:29 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I would suggest setting up a meeting with a therapist or pastor and saying just what you did here. That you bring 40 percent of the income in, that you feel disrespected and are considering a divorce. It may come as a wake up call, He may start trying or he may say nothing and keep being a jerk then you could divorce him. Atleast you would have tried.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:32 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I work mostly from home too. Not only do I feel disrepected by him, but by all his friends. I work hard most days, and he lounges a lot! I do think this is typical of some people that work at home get this treatment. Some of it I think is normal. Then on the other hand, it sucks, and it does upset me quite a bit. I really feel for you, and me. I try to be patient. However, I am planning and asking him to help more. What I do is go on a shopping spree, every now and them if you can manage it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • He will not change because you let it go to far. You have to put your foot down the first time he says anything stupid.
    My sister in-law keep saying my brother was a lazy ass, but he was not. He worked from 5am to 2pm he would pick up the kids from school take them to their sports, dance class and grab fast food and go to school from 6pm to 11pm for 3-years.
    Well guess what, she was cheating on him.
    a spouse that does not support you does not love you!!
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:50 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I agree, it has gone too far.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • You get respect by showing respect. Are you showing him respect? Do you ever compliment him on anything he does? If you want compliments, you will need to give a few. I wonder, too, with all that you are doing, if you are spending any time letting him know that he is still the most important person in your life. If you are taking for granted that he knows that he is, you are making a very big mistake. If we aren't careful, we begin to think too much about what we are getting in marriage and we think too little about what we are giving. If you aren't giving very much, you cannot expect to get very much in return. It sounds to me like your husband needs a little of your time and attention.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:13 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I guess neutering him is out of the question, huh? (ask his mom what to do. she created that monster)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:14 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Yes, to the above, be careful that you are giving respect, as we all crave that. I too am way to busy and don't get much help with day to day stuff. Maybe it's time to do less of the things we do to "make a better life" and more of the things we do that makes us bond more. Then he'll appreciate you more. That is hard once we have gone off track. but it's worth it!

    Go ahead and vent, then try some of the positive things. Do less of the less important stuff! A little bit goes a long way. Focus on some of the small things that make you happy. Try volunteering or doing other rewarding work, etc.

    I think you need to get off the fast track and try to enjoy life a little bit more. Show him why you are a value in his life. I think "having a talk" is over-rated. Men don't usually respond to that, in my experience. Show him you are going to take time for yourself, then ask him to help with some small chores.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

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