• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Are we just friends?!

my fiance and i have been engaged for going on 3 years. We have a 17 month old daughter together. We live with his parent -.- and we get NO PRIVACY or respect here. He says he doesnt want to get married until I pay off my hospital bills from when I had my daughter. He doesnt help out with her the way he should. We dont have sex or go out together anymore. I want to leave him, but I have nnowhere else for my daughter and I to live. Annd with my crappy pay...it doesnt look like i will ever be able to afford to live on my own. idk how to feel anymore...and advice?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Apr. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You would qualify for government assistance and you can talk to the billing department at your hospital about low income or no income papers to fill out to either decrease the bill or have it paid in full by the hospital. Do you have family or a friend you can stay with? How old are you? You can't stay with your parents or grandparents? I would contact your local welfare office to see what you would qualify for and it could be rent assistance to where you can live on your own for little to no rent. My friend had a son and she got a nice apartment and paid 40 a month. GL
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 2:47 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Why are YOU paying for the hospital bill for HIS child? Go sign up for Section 8 and get your own apt based on your income. You don't have to be treated like he's treating you. THEN go sign up for child support. he's a bum. You can do better.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:48 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • if you're not happy you need to talk to him about it... I know it may seem like you will never be able to live on just your income but I'm sure you can. Maybe you guys need to get a place of your own see if that makes things any better if you work and he works I'm sure you can afford it.
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 2:48 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I am sorry you're going through this!!! It's a sucky place to be! Have you tried getting social services until you get back on your feet??? I know its not the solution but it would get you out!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 2:50 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • From what you wrote, you seem to know what you need to do. You need to get out on your own. Perhaps you can share an apartment with another woman until you can get on your feet better. Check with social services to see what kind of child care or residence help you can get. You should be able to get child support from the child's father. Meanwhile get job training for a better paying job, start looking for inexpensive places to live.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:51 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • First of all honey does he work?? If not thenI think the answer is clear ! If you do leave it doen't mean your daughter can't have a relationship with her dad but you need to feel like you have some support and why do you have to pay off the hospital bill, you both shoudl be. As one of the other moms said you should qualify for a grant for schooling and daycare.Go for it, you need to do what is right for you and your daughter.
    Korysmom96

    Answer by Korysmom96 at 2:56 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Call the local housing agency in your area. They may have a waiting list but get on it if you can. Also ask if they know of any low income apartments. Do you have any family or friends you could stay with? You should also call your local child support enforcement agency you arent married to your childs father he should be paying child support. I have a feeling that even if you did pay off the bill there would be another excuse as to why he cant get married tiy you I mean what if his parent said you need to move out today You should have a plan in place..
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 2:58 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • You should have signed up for some help with the dr and hospital while you were pregnant. Being single would've worked in your favor and it will now too. If you're not having sex, then yea I guess you are just friends who happen to share a house that has a child together. Maybe he's not having sex because he's afraid you'll get pregnant again. The hospital bill is an excuse... why would he marry someone he's not even having sex with?? Girl.. you deserve so much better than this and so does your child. I'd go get on any list I had to and get out of that house. If you go sign up for medicaid, they will take care of dr and hospital bills that are withstanding if I'm not wrong in a certain amount of time.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:33 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I think it would be a very good idea to leave him! He sounds like a real jerk! I would contact local agencies (salvation army, lutheran social services, catholic charities, United Way, first call for help- information and referral) and see if they can help you. Alot of organizations can aid you in finding a place to live, referring you to a shelter, and letting you know what options are available for you in your community. I would also check to see if you qualify for public aid- medical cards, welfare benefits, section 8 housing. It would be a good idea to contact legal aid and see what rights you have, and find out about custody and start the ball rolling for child support. I hope things work out for you and your child!! Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 5:08 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.