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Would you contact him or wait for him to contact you?

I have not heard from my ex for several months. I don't care but I know our son wants to see his father. We live in different states but my family lives where the ex does so we go to visit at least once a month, if not more. This isn't new, in the past ex has gone over a year without seeing or speaking to son but now son is old enough to ask about him. Ex was in a relationship last summer so I guess to show new wife he was a good person he was calling and wanting to visit all the time. That relationship went south and we haven't heard from him. He moves and gets a new cell number constantly. I know I could get a hold of him through his mom or his myspace page BUT I don't feel it is my place to have to contact him. My son does have a stepfather that he loves but of course he knows who his father is and wants to see him. What do you think? Should I contact him or wait for him to contact us?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Apr. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My bio father was the same, only a drunk druggie loser. We saw him a handful of times, which is what he wanted. I do not feel like my mom should have subjected us to him and I don't have any regrets about not knowing him. If he wanted to know us he knew where we lived.
    I think that is your only obligation to this man, letting him know where you live. After that he needs to make the effort to see his kid.
    You are providing him with a good male role model. My step dad is the only dad I have ever really known and I consider him to be my "real Dad".

    Answer by Nathskitten at 3:46 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • IMO, and having a son that hasn't seen his biodad for the past 7 yrs I would leave it alone. It's not your responsibility for him to be a Dad. He should be the one to step up. Just be there for your son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I think that you are obligated to contact him since he has the history of not being in touch. - as long as you are sure your son wants this contact.

    Answer by Bmat at 3:35 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I might send him due notice before you visit your family so that he knows you're going to be there.... but I wouldn't mention anything to the boy until and IF the ex wants to arrange a visit. No need in getting you're baby boy's hopes up until you know something for sure.....

    Personally, though, I might just let it be - As long as the ex knows where you are and how to contact you for visits then that's all , by law, that you need to make certain of; outside of that, I wouldn't bend go to any extra effort for a man who's already exhibited his lack of desire to see his own son.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 3:36 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • You're son needs consistancy!!! If it prevents heartache due to disappointment, empty promises and days waiting at the door waiting for daddy to come then let him go!!! His loss not your sons!!! If and when its meant to be you will find a man that would be proud to raise him as his own!!!

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 3:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • My son has a step dad now and he see's his Dad often due to the court order and so on. However my son cries often and wishes for his Dad to move in "so not happening" would it be easier not see his Dad at all I do not know for sure.

    My sister and I saw my Mom a handfull of times growing up and I moved in with her for a short time as an adult the rejection of not seeing my Mom as often as a child was hurtful. However eventually my Dad settled down and things went on from there.

    Keep listening to your son as that is all you can probably do at this time besides what your are already doing now his step dad seems like a nice person and congrads for that.


    Answer by Daisysun at 4:50 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I would wait for him to contact you even though it's wearing on your nerves. I've been there too. But you are not the ex's parent and it is not YOUR job to help him have a relationship with your son. You can't force someone to want to be there. Make sure you document all contact you have with him though, it might come in handy at a later time. You'll never know what you might need it for.

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 12:07 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Yes defiantly keep a record of when you are in contact with him and how many times he does see his son also how much if any child support he is paying you.

    If you need to go to court over child support and later what is going on with visitation then the records will be handy in the mean time keep listening to your son's feelings watch out for his selfesteem, take care of yourself and give the new man in your life a hug.

    Answer by Daisysun at 10:31 AM on May. 4, 2009