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My soon to be "step kids" hate me. How do I handle this?

I've been dating a guy who is going through a custody battle and his children hate me. Initially, they were fine and we got along. After they met me for the first time, they went home and told thir mom aboutme and she encouraged them to be rude and disrespectful towards me. Just recently me he stated that it was not a good idea for me to come around until after the custody battle because as long as I come around, they will inform their "Guardian Ad Litem" (legal child advocate) that they do not want to live with him because of me. Afterwards, he says he will make them deal with me. I feel very awkward around them as if I'm an intruder.

I've never mistreated his children. Their behavior towards me has been a blow and it is begining to take a toll my relationship with my fiance. It is actually enough to make me want to walk away. This is all very new to me. Does anyone have any advice?

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Asked by tomichan at 9:31 PM on Apr. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • He is going about it ALL wrong. So, you are to stay away from them until it's all over with and THEN step back into their lives and make them deal with it?? So, what if this whole custody battle takes a year or longer to you stay away from them?

    I would really have to evaluate what you are getting from this relationship and if it's truly worth it. Just my opinion. I really do wish YOU the best!

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 9:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • This isn't about you personally. It's about their anger regarding mom and dad not getting back together and they carry mom's anger that dad has someone new. There is a lot of pain going on there. Just stay in the background and let things settle. It won't be easy. I'm sure they will blame you for everything but it will take time.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:44 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Just know that it won't get any better. It never does. That is a big cause of divorce between people re-marrying with children. They will always "hate" you because their mom tells them to, or just because you're not their mom. I've been there, as the child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Wow I am reading this and it almost sounds like me only it has been 10 years I was married before but never had children but when I met my dh we have 2 now.
    But when I first met him I wasn't sure if I wanted to b with him bc he had 2 kids from his first marriage yes the ex was a handle full at times but we got through it but the kids were always sweet and polite to me when I met them they were very young hadn't started school yet. But now all is said and done and everyone is happy. The only advice I can give you is be nice and never say anything bad about the mother and everything will turn out just fine (There will b times you will tell yourself what the heck was I thinking getting involved with a man with kids) Then you look at how sweet and how or what it was about him that attracted him to you and you'll say oh ok I will stick around I love him and he loves me let's make a go at it.. So hang in there.GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:07 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • It won't get any better. Every friend I have who married a man with kids said it was WAY harder than they ever imagined, and the kids NEVER appreciated them. My friend raised her 3 step-kids when mom ended up a druggy, and they don't even acknowledge her on Mother's Day or her birthday.

    Answer by mancosmomma at 10:13 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

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