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How do I tell my daughters that I was adopted?

I was adopted and received when i was 3 days old. My adoptive mother is my mom. Even then I have had minimal contact with my bio-mom. My 4 year old asked me about the day I was born. I was not at all ready for that question and I hurried out of the room before breaking down. I'm not sure what to say to her if it comes up again.

 
sararsara

Asked by sararsara at 10:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (11 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • If you are not ready yet to explain then just stay with the facts. The day that you were born was the happiest day of your parents' lives. That they were so excited to love you and couldn't wait to know you. They brought you home from the hospital...ect. But what concerns me is that you said you were going to break down. It leads me to believe you have some issues you need to work through. If you didn't - talking to your daughter about your adoption would be very natural. The younger she is the more accepting of the concept she will be. Adoption is a very normal way to add children to a family. You can also check out DVD's of cartoons dealing with adoption, there are many good ones covering this topic. Reading some bedtime stories about adoption before bed from the library can open up discussions. Ask her if she has questions. Be honest about your feelings. And reassure her that Grandma is still her Grandma.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • I do not know how you would tell her but I think it is healthy for you and her if you tell her. No harm no foul. I think you still need closure, adoption is not a bad thing especially if you were loved :)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I am adopted, and was brought into a loving home as an infant. I am raising 6 children, the youngest is adopted (an amazing experiece!). I have met my birth mother, that went well. We met our adopted daughters birth-mom, she was very young ( 14 and sweet ), that went well also. Our little girl has always known that she is adopted, I have been very open an honest with. She asks questions and I am happy to answer them. She is 5 and very smart for her age she reall understands the concept of having a birth-mom and having a adopted mom, adn that i'm mom. She knows i'm adopted also and that I love her soo much. I was alwys very honest with my kids about being adopted and they were great. My parents didn't tell me I was adopted, my older sister let it slip by accident. I was really hurt by the fact that the didn't tell me, not that I was adopted. Good Luck
    susan6xblessed

    Answer by susan6xblessed at 11:25 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • I explained it to my little adopted girl like this...your birthmom carried you in her tummy just for me to love. I explained to her how I loved her while she was in her birthmoms tummy. And that her birthmom loved her and cared about her so much she was too young to take care of her (her birthmom was 14 when the baby was born). And now I am so so lucky because I get to be her mommy and she gets to have 3 sisters and 2 brothers that adore her. They really do, it was a family desicion to adopt and the kid were all thrilled to adopt a baby girl.
    susan6xblessed

    Answer by susan6xblessed at 11:38 PM on Apr. 30, 2009

  • Susan, I think you misunderstood....the poster (the mom) is the one who is adopted and she is struggling with how to tell her daughter this fact.

    Sararsara, at 4 years old I'm sure your daughter has no idea that she's asked a question that has hit upon a difficult or sore spot for you. Age appropriateness and honesty is key - you could share that you personally don't have any memories of the day you were born (true for all of us). Maybe she's asking about "how" babies are born and you could have that conversation without it being specific to your adoption story. You could also share with her that her grandma (your adoptive mom) had been looking forward to having a precious baby join their family (also true) and had been eagerly expecting you. It's strange as adult adoptees what little things can bring up unexpected emotions isn't it! I've found other adoptees here on CM very helpful to me in my journey. I wish you the best
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:01 AM on May. 1, 2009