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Are all kids jealous when bringing a new baby home...

I was talking with a woman at work and she told me that ALL kids are traumatized when you bring home a second child...I know this is rediculous, but could there be some truth to it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on May. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I'm sure they'd freak out if they didn't know about it and have time to adjust to the idea of a new baby, but most parents tell their kids before a new one comes home.

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 12:39 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • I have four kids and have never had one the least bit upset at the arrival of a sibling. My kids have always been so excited after the births, and the biggest problem I run into is them wanting to hold the baby all the time and not letting me have a turn. LOL It's a beautiful thing. It can be WONDERFUL - not just "not traumatizing" but actually something that is fabulous.

    I think that if you're having an out-of-home birth, where you'll be leaving for a couple days, that is something to make sure the kid is prepared for and that they get a lot of attention and loving from everyone, that they're not left out of things, that you and those around you understand the child's needs and possible emotions/thoughts and respond compassionately...There are a lot of ways to prepare a child to welcome a new sibling - include them in the preparation, don't make any big changes around the time of the birth, etc.

    Answer by Collinsky at 1:26 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • okay im sure not ALL kids are.... my friends 3 year old was but im sure if your child was like.... 13 and you had another they wouldnt be traumatized, or if you had a 9 month old they wouldnt either.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • I heard that when I was prego with baby #2... so I prepared myself and my child... at the hospital EVERYONE brings the baby gifts... before I went to the hospital I bought and wrapped some small toys and such for my first child, every time the baby got a gift so did the big sister (child #1) PLUS.... I tried to include child #1 as much as possible, like asking for help or for little things like, if she would get the baby a diaper or a blanket... I even was singing to the new baby and I would include my 1st child, so she didnt feel like this baby was coming in to take over!!!! I think that kids will always be that way, no matter what you do... they always wanna be #1 in your eyes, so when you bring home another baby, they might feel upset and deal with it in the wrong ways... Including them helps eliminate that feeling of being pushed aside! Hope this helps! :)

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 1:49 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • My ds was 15 mos old when I had my dd. He was over the moon happy with his new baby sister. The only problem was he was sad, because she couldn't play with him and his toys right away.

    But, I think it's all in how you go about it. We included him in the pg - it wasn't we're getting a new baby, it was, he's getting a new brother or sister to play with. When friends brought baby gifts, they were sensitive enough to bring "big brother presents", too. We got him a pretty realistic (but sturdy) baby doll. Some people gave us crap, b/c he's a boy, and we were gonna make him a sissy - whatever. He got to be that baby's "Daddy", and whenever Mommy changed the new baby sister, or fed her, or anything like that, he had "his baby to take care of, too" (we had like 3 disposable diapers and a huge roll of tape that we helped him use to diaper his baby...) I think in the course of the year, we "wasted" a doz or so diapers

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:38 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • He didn't HAVE to do these things whenever we took care of the new baby, but he COULD, if he was feeling left out.

    When I nursed her, we sat in the big recliner rocker together, me on one side, him on the other, her nursing on the side of me with the arm rest. We would watch movies, read books, etc together. Sometimes he held his baby and gave it a bottle (he figured out Daddy's couldn't nurse lol).

    When he came to me one time and asked if he could nurse, too (he weaned himself right before she was born), I told him he could. He climbed up in my lap, looked up at me, started to laugh, and got down. He just wanted to know that he could, not that he had been "replaced" by her.

    This isn't to say that there weren't times it was really hard, or that they didn't / don't still fight. But it wasn't traumatic for him at all - it wasn't a couple thing, it was a family thing, including him.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:42 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • Each time I brought home a younger sibling, the next older one just ignored him. No jealousy. They went on with their little lives and eventually warmed up to the new baby.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:18 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • I have 4 kids and there was never any real jealousy, at least not until the new baby was a couple months old the older child started to realize the baby wasn't leaving and took a lot of Mommy's time but even that was mild.
    My oldest was 15 months when my 2nd was born and she adored her baby brother. Then a year later she got a baby sister. She was 2 and my son was 13 months. No jealousy. When our last was born they were 3, 4 and 5 and they were trilled. They loved to help take care of her and have never been jealous of her. So I don't buy that rumor. My kids were never jealous. They also were constantly involved in the pregnancy (knew from the moment I knew) and with the baby and they weren't always put 2nd to the baby (that meant sometimes the baby had to cry while I dealt with the older kids...awww, poor baby).

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:18 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • traumatized? NO....a bit jealous? yes. But I am sure there is plenty of excitement too. All my kids went through small bouts of jealousy and even some regression, but it passed quickly.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:34 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • my daughter was 16 months when my son was born and she wasn't the least bit jealous of her brother nor was she traumatized. I think it all depends on the age and personality of the child and if you prepare them for a new sibiling.

    Answer by kd2kds at 11:04 AM on May. 2, 2009

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