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Would you stay or leave

I am considering divorcing my husband. It hurts me to even type it but that's what it has come down to. He has become the most selfish person I have ever met. The last 3months of his lay off I have paid the bills, let him do fun stuff while I am at work and gave up asking him to help me around the house while he was at home. He wants,wants,wants. Wants a baby(geez)boat,to build a deck,go to one bbq after another with his buddies and when I asked if we could go do something I wanted to do...he pitched a fit. I can't even initiate sex anymore without him coming up with some reason the timing isn't right. It's his way or no way on everything. I get paid every two weeks and had 107 hours on my check yesterday. His comment...you need to put that money away for our trip to Chicago..trip to Chicago??? I guess HE is going to Chicago. I am so burned out. This has been going on since before the holidays. Is it time to bail or stay :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on May. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • It's time to have a serious talk first and foremost. Then you can decide from there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • Would he consider counseling? If you try to talking to him by yourself he may get defensive, so having a professional point of view may help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • i would leave him. it is not your job to support him while he is out having a good time. take the extra money you made this paycheck and do something nice for yourself. get you nails done, go out to dinner, something just for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • just because is off work, doesnt mean life is a vacation. I would talk w/ him about how you are feeling and let him know that things have got to change. I would at least try that before you up and leave. Especially if kids are involved.
    Tiffany237

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 11:41 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • I think you guys need to have a talk. He is probably depressed about losing his job and just is out to spend money he doesn't have. I've seen many people do that, you get to the point where you don't care. If you have a pastor, it is free to talk to them, otherwise I guess you could fork out the money for a counselor. Or maybe you guys just need to have a heart to heart. G/L
    Ambie0526

    Answer by Ambie0526 at 11:43 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • has he been looking for a job? men are hard wired with a need to be the bread winners and when they can't/aren't doing it, they feel like they have failed. some fall into depression. whatever the reason, he probably will try to act like everything is ok because men do not like to let on that they know they have failed. they will always try and act like they know what they are doing. they "fake it, till they make it" he probably needs to know that you still respect him and that you are still cheering him on. give him some encouraging words. sometimes we have to "fake it" too for our men. not bringing home the bacon is very hard for them, whether or not his wife works and/or makes more $. not taking care of their family financially is a job they take more serious than we know. men's egos are sooo fragile.
    nairda

    Answer by nairda at 11:50 AM on May. 1, 2009

  • 1) My husband didn't act like that at all when he lost his job. 2) You need to restrict his access to funds. He needs to not even know how much you earn. You need a separate account to protect yourself and he needs a zero allowance ($5 a week) when he realizes that the party is over he will find a job, even a sucky one, just to keep from losing his mind.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I would open an account in your name only and put money in that account. I would tell him if he wants to go to Chicago to get off his butt and find a job. I would only pay bills and other essentials for you and the kids and put the rest away. You are married to a child and unless he grows up you need to change the locks and let him make his own way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Leaving sounds a bit extreme. Tell him you will save that money for a separation if he doesn't sit down and discuss budget and future goals that are reasonable. Tell him there is a recession going on and he needs to take money matters seriously and plan better for the future or there will be no future with him. Don't do anything drastic while you are angry. Wait until you are clear headed and at least give him a chance to hear what you are saying.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:48 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • wow, it sounds like he is having fun being 'footloose and fancy free'. I think it is time for him to come back to reality and start looking for a job, pay the bills and take the pressure off you. I do agree with the others in limiting his access to your money. If you don't already have your own bank account I would suggest you get one in your name only and put your money in it. I really think it is time to sit him down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him about all this and how his behaviors make you feel. If you do want to save your marriage I strongly urge you to get counseling. If you do not want to save it, then my 'advice' would be to consult a lawyer and find out what your rights are. I hope things get better and everything works out for you!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:04 PM on May. 1, 2009

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