Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

why do biomoms make it so difficult for a stepmom

Is it because they still love the guy? is it because they are jealous? is it cause they think you want to take the kids? helppppppp!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on May. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (29)
  • I think it is probably some form of jealousy. Maybe they are still somewhat in love with their x or are bitter about the way things ended between them and instead of taking their anger out on their x it is much easier to take it out on the new stepmom because its easy to convince kids to be mean to someone they probably are already iffy about. I have no clue. I do know that my dad's x wife made it REALLY hard on my dad, not my mom.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:25 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • They just don't want anybody to try to take their place as Mom to the child. As a mom they feel like they know what's best for their child and they tend to want things done their way. Not all bio-moms make things hard on step-moms purposely. All you can do it be civil to her and respect her wishes as much as possible when it comes to things she wants or doesn't want regarding the child(ren), if she still tries to cause problems with you then it's more personal and you should try to take the high road and ignore it if possible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I'm not on either situation, but I'm guessing that the fact that someone can love your child as much as you do it's kind of scary. That's something that I would feel. I wouldn't like someone coming in my baby's life besides me. But once again that's only my opinion. IDK, Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I am stepmom and a biomom. It is really hard to think of someone else caring for your child. I mean, each circumstance is different. In mine, my stepson biomom is actually glad I am around, because she says that there in no way either she or my husband could have raised a child on their own. And it is really hard to see someone that you love, someone that you have a very special bond with, with someone else. Especially if they are happier with someone else. She may not love him anymore, but she did once. And the fact that they have a child together, that is a link that nothing can ever destroy. Talk to her. Explain to her that while you love her child(ren) that you are in no way trying to step on her toes and that you don't want to try to replace her. Ask her how she would like you to act toward the children. As far as what you should do for them, with them, whatever. CONT

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:29 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • And ensure that you, her, and your husband are all on the same page about everyone's roles and responsibilities regarding the children. It will go a long way to making peace in the family.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:30 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • im having that problem too! i think its because they still love him and they are jealous who knows if you find out let me know!


    Answer by woobie102 at 4:30 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • jealousy. sometimes the dads say mean things about the biomom and the step mom joins in.

    if I were a step mom and a bio mom i would be as nice as possible to the step mom, and talk to my ex husband about discipline and stuff.... but my situation is different

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I think it's jealousy and feeling of replacement specially if the child enjoys being around you. My daughters biological mom had this thing for me for the first 5 years of so that I was in her life until she figured out that I wasn't going anywhere and that I loved and took care of her daughter the same like I did our other children. Its hard to go through as the step mom, hang in there. when my daughter was little she wasn't allowed to tell me she loved me or hugg me or call me her step mom to anyone but now she is almost 13 and she does and feels how she likes not how her mom wants her too. My oldest son's biological father got married and I never had an issue with her..some women are just like that-not saying right or wrong it's just the mentality of being replaced I guess.

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:32 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • All I can say is from my experience it had nothing to do with jealousy or remaining feelings of love, and everything to do with not wanting to be replaced as the one and only Mom in the child's life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:35 PM on May. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.