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What should I do?

My hubby makes six figures. I work from home and probably make 22,000 a year. He keep all his money secret and when he get big bonuses or cash at work he does not share or treat me to anything nice. We never go on vacation. I don't ask for anything expensive. I am really low maintenance. Should I say something? I feel he hoards the money and can do what he pleases. I buy all the groceries take care of my bills and the kids. So 22,000 a year usually takes care of all that. Why should I have nothing left at the end of the year and he has thousands. His money does pay the mortgage and utilities but he probably still nets 60,000 a year even after he pays those. Maybe more. Should I worry he will just leave me with nothing and allow him to use the money on what he wants?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on May. 1, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (8)
  • I dont think that is fair at all half and half need to sit down and talk to him about what he is planning to do? Maybe he is saving for something? Maybe he is planning to leave you I am not sure but cover your butt just in case...dont sign anything to where he gets his money and you get yours...make it halves! GL

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 5:08 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Ask him why you don't have a joint account or ask him get one with you. After so many years you get half so it doesn't matter, let him save because in the end you get half:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • You are not being treated like a wife, you are being treated like an employee. You and your husband need to go to couples counseling and regain your partnership, which is what marriage should be. If he won't go to counseling, then go yourself.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:20 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • If you are having thoughts like these at all something is not right. I'm concerned that you termed it "his money". When you marry, you enter a contract or agreement to be one. You are a partnership and thus a joint entity. You should not be in the dark about your husbands work or life out of home. You should be one in everything. In my home, I handle the money, Bob earns it. We together do a home business and he has a goal to start a restaurant. in all our endeavors, we tell each other everything. We are equals and a team. If you have never told him how you feel, you need to start. And if he is not willing to be open with you, you need to get counseling. This is not normal. Too often marriage is used for convenience and not for Godly love and perpetuation of family. I'm sensing fear from you. Is this truly founded on how he treats you or the unknown? If he is in any way cruel, Get out.

    Answer by 1heart1mind at 5:37 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • That doesn't sound right. If nothing else, you should get a joint account (while still having your separate accounts also) and each put a PERCENTAGE of your paycheck into your joint account and from that you should pay all of the bills. You should also do a savings account in this way. This way, you know that he's at least saving some.
    I had a friend who had been with her SO for about 7years. They were living together for at least five years. They didn't have any kids yet, but he had moved her from PA all the way to FL so she didn't have any family around but his. He had a good job with an AC company, while she was working part time at a grocery store. And whenever she would ask for money she would "borrow" it from him and have to pay it back to him. How f*ed up does that sound? Your situation sounds just as f*ed up

    Answer by motherofanaries at 5:56 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Why are you sticking around?I would rather be poor and happy then with someone that acts like that..6 figures or not.It seems your marriage is more of an arrangement or roomates.I couldnt deal with that.I suggest counseling if he is open to it and if not,buh bye.

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 10:19 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Just have an open and honest talk with him. Ask him if he was or can set up account for the kids. And a special vacation fund for the family.

    When I worded Hubbys $$ paid mortgage and utilites  and cars and mine paid groceries and kids stuff. His extra money was his to spend, and my extra money was for me to spend.  It was nice then he did the bills and owuld buy me little gifts here and there. now that i do the bills he doesn't so much do that anymore, he doesn't want me to bitch at him for spending money lol

    Read my blog


    Answer by Vanessannd at 10:26 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I would make an appointment with a financial planner as well. You need to know where this money is going & to be fair, DH needs to know how the household expenses break down. What if something happened to DH? Would you even be able to find his money? You need life & disability insurances as well as a good attorney to draw up a will. You need help to turn your marriage into a good financial team. It is not fair that you use all of your income to buy household things--you need to protect your future as well. You both need retirement accounts & you need to be able to free up some of your money to put into retirement. I would recommend both emotional & financial counseling. Best of luck!

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 12:28 AM on May. 2, 2009

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