Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would YOU do?

You're 16/17, meet this great guy and everything's beautiful, except your parents hate him and that causes problem with family.
Then you get pregnant, and he says he'll take care of you and work hard to make everything perfect for you and your new baby. That never happens, you have the baby and have to move in with his family.
He changes, becoming angry, secretive, overbearing...but you stay because you love him, and because of your child.
Come to find out years later, he cheated on you while you were pregnant, and has a child by the girl! And he has probably cheated many times in between...
By this time you have another child, he is verbally abusive, checks up on who you call and where you go every day, constantly is hiding something...but you still love him.

Better to leave or stay?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on May. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • How about just learning a lesson from all this? This is why we don't have kids at 16/17 because we are not yet old enough to realize that we shouldn't believe every good thing that comes out of a man's mouth and because you are going though all this now and STILL considering staying? This man does NOT love you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • I would have left when things started getting bad. DO NOT STAY WITH A GUY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD! all that does is raise your child into a hostile/unhappy environment.
    When it first started would have been my cue to leave. You can still love him but there are BETTER guys out there.
    And for the record, when a guy starts acting like you are cheating on him, checking your calls and what not, that should be your big sign that he's cheating on you. Cheaters think that because it was SOOO easy for them to cheat, you must be doing it too. And they like to place blame on the other to justify them cheating.

    Answer by Marix3 at 6:05 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Find the nearest exit and get out of there fast.

    Answer by Amy_M at 6:06 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • This has ti be a rhetorical question!

    Answer by MizKizzy at 6:08 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • you've got brains!!!! hey i love him so im gonna let him treat me like shit in front of my child that way they can be emotionally scarred for the rest of their life... what kind of question is that?!?!? do teenagers these days seriously not think do you guys even have a brain?!?!?! LEAVE HIM!!! YOU HAVE FAMILY YOU HAVE FRIENDS DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO CARE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD. QUIT THINKING LIKE A DUDE AND START THINKING WITH THE RIGHT HEAD!!!!

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 6:08 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • It's never good to stay for the child. If he's verbally abusive to you, it's not good for the child to see and hear him treat you that way. I still remember what it was like at the 16/17 age (I was married but lucky for me no kids) but I still have the dream of the happily ever after. I did a lot of things wrong, he did too, but when he put his hands on me in anger, the fairy tale dream died and I left. Your man may never hit you but he's disrespected you and is verbally abusive to you, so my advice is if you've tried everything else, then you need to not stay for the children.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:12 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • leave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • that is NOT love, that's trauma bonding and dependency. Leave and find yourself, don't be an extension of him. Be yourself. p.s. listen to mom and dad next time. They saw this coming.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:32 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • leave unless you like the life your living with him. it won't change and the proof is in the fact that things have not changed. thats not real love. it's codependency and you need help and counseling to figure out whats wrong with you for staying with him. leave for your childrens sake. what are you a door mat? yup i think so. this man can't be changed no man can be changed. you either accept him or leave. you have only two options be happy or not.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:46 PM on May. 1, 2009

  • Run, run RUN as fast as u can ansd get awy form this ayusive man. u can love someone who is good to u too!!

    Answer by emily1234 at 8:01 PM on May. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.