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When considering adoption were you worried that you wouldn't be 'good enough'?

I've been thinking about wanting to adopt (SOME DAY). But there are days where I am really stressed out with my biokid...some days where I think I make HUGE mistakes in parenting. He's stuck with me (for lack of a better phrase) through bad, AND GOOD (I would say MOST is good). But it worries me that I wouldn't be a good mother to an adopted kid because I dont always feel like a good mother to my bio kid, try as I might.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on May. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (20)
  • I'm in the same boat. I want to adopt some day too, but I know that I don't make enough money. I see families who adopt on TV and they're so perfect... their house is immaculate, they're soft spoken and the perfect Nuclear Family without the kids. I'm not that way. I'm loud and obnoxious, swear like a sailor, I barely keep up with my housework and I'm barely above the poverty level. But I know I'm a great parent and I could give a child a wonderful home and a good life.

    I do worry about making mistakes, and I know that it would be hard. I doubt any agency would approve me, though, mostly because of the financial issues.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:57 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • I never had the thought that I wouldn't be up to the challenges of raising a child or raising a child that was added to our family through adoption. Maybe because I specialized in working with children, maybe because everyone who knew me was saying that I would make the perfect parent.....but that was not it. Because I did not take adoption for granted. Because specifically I did a lot of research, reflected on the issues that the kids I worked with has pertaining to their particular adoption situation, and then did a lot of soul searching. I had to be sure that I was comfortable with being able to remain open with the biological family, that I was comfortable raising a child that may have special needs not known at birth, that I was willing to do what was best for this child and not what was most comfortable or convienent for me. It doesn't matter if you make "mistakes" when it comes to punnishments or just have bad mom
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • days. EVERYONE had those. The most important thing when considering adoption is arming yourself with knowledge, talking to adoptees, talking with other birthmoms, and other adoptive parents. Then decide if this is what you really want to do. And you do it not to save some "poor kid." You do it because you truly are ready to parent another child, you have a desire to parent another child, and you have the support to do so. At the same time you have to consider if your children are ready for another sibling - just as you would if you were planning a pregnancy. Sometimes parents desire to parent another child but the kids are not necessarily sold on it. They have to be educated about adoption as well. Their feelings also count.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Parenting is parenting...by adoption or by birth. There are some unique things to adoption, but my motto has become..."I can do it...God knows how!"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Ironic that this is a feeling that lead some woman to choose to put up a child for adoption...if only they had someone telling them how they can "do it" instead of how great adoption is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Ironically? rather intentionally these same feelings are used against expectant mothers to convincie her how inadequate she will be as a mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Quit turning this around. This has nothing to do with birthmothers, only a person asking a question about feelings of a woman adopting. The poor birthmother thing gets old really fast when you see it over and over, especially when it's not even pertenent to what is being discussed!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • these same feelings are used against expectant mothers to convince her how inadequate she will be as a mother.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Parenting a child through adoption is parenting plus. Not only do you worry about all of the normal things, you also worry because a social worker is in your life for months before and afterwards. You dont get to relax and just enjoy your baby because all that you do is under a microscope untl the adoption is final and that can take a year to finish through the courts. You can't ever vent or complain because "hey, you asked for it". If you adopt transracially, you have the responsibility of instilling pride in their heritage while realizing that absolute strangers are going to feel they can ask what ever they want and you have to just smile.

    Adoptive parenting is not for the faint of heart but it is worth it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I did not have a social worker in my life for months and months before and after the adoption of our child. It took only a few months to have our healthy infant child in our home from start to finish. After his home comming we didn't have any more social work intervention. One post placement visit and that was that. We also adopted a child not from our ethic and cultural orgin. It is not seen as trouble as some might suggest. It enriched our family and was a wonderful addition to. But we don't stress over it. We simply add part of this child's ethnic/cultural identity into our daily family life. But it is not a detractor by any means. It is not for all people but it was for us. We worry about the "normal" things and we have a few other things that you would not have if it was not an adoption addition. But you would also have extra things if you had a special needs child biologically. Every parent has their "stuff.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on May. 3, 2009

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