Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moral dilemma over cheating Army Husband

I am 28 years old. My husband is career Army and we have been married almost 7 years. He has been a recruiter for a little over a year & his work hours are horrible. We have a 7 year old and a very difficult almost 2 year old. My husband told me pretty much out of the blue that he is leaving me and then stopped coming home at night. I started to investigate and found out that he is cheating on me with a 20 year old girl who worked with him temporarily. I have video of them checking into a hotel together as well as both of their confessions on audio.

My question is: Do I bring the affair to the attention of his command?

It would damage his career, his family would never talk to me again and I don't want him to resent me and take it out on the kids by not being a part of their lives.

It could prevent their relationship from continuing and keep her from doing it to someoen else.

Answer Question

Asked by nenax at 11:36 AM on May. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Why bother? If he is gone, he is gone- it is not like doing that will make him come back to you. It would just bring even more tension. He is an ass though. And I would fight for EVERY dime! :) If he looses his job or gets demoted, then you would get less money right?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Think about Karma. She's a bitch!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • if he is good to you with the divorce and no drama. .....then it sup to you.

    if he's a dick and rubs it in your face and if he does not give you the financial support you need if you get custody, show his command.

    btw, im an army vet and army wife.....althoughy cheating is rampid in the army, command does not take lightly to it when they have proof. he WOULD be in trouble

    Answer by moki1984 at 11:55 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • I agree, use it as leverage. Get EVERYTHING you want from him and if he doesn't cooperate..just keep reminding him that you have the power to ruin his career over his own stupidity.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:02 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Just because he doesn't want to be with you anymore doesn't mean you should ruin his life. He is still your children's father regardless. And what goes on between you and him has nothing to do with his career.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 12:04 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • You wouldn't get any child support. Or spousal support. My sister had the same thing happen, but I don't think she had such hard evidence. She kept her mouth shut for the simple fact that she would not recieve any money from him when he got kicked out.
    I'd mail copy's to his friends and family, and humiliate him. And if you can, mail a copy to her family, just so they know what a whore, homewrecker she is. And before anyone tells me that she can't wreck a happy home, that's BS. Happy homes can be worked on, and become happy homes.
    How long has he been in the military anyway?

    Answer by Buffie95 at 12:06 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Screw him, stop wasting you time and move on. He is clearly a peice of shit and you nede to drop him like a dead horse. He is useless to you now and you deserve way better, so forget that pig and be happy.

    Answer by MammaBella at 12:37 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • First, I am very sorry you're going through this.

    You have to weigh the pros and cons. Not only would it effect how much money you get from him, it could also mean that your kids no longer receive Tricare. Yes, it would hurt him AND her, but you also will hurt you and your children.

    You ARE receiving money from him right now, right? If not, THAT is something you can go to his command with. He HAS to give you the amount equal to BAH Type II at the with dependents rate for his rank.

    Good Luck and I hope you find some peace in all of this.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:51 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • oh god i would so WANT to do that, but like everyone else said its not logical. revenge is a dish best served cold, remember. you will get your revenge when you take every dime he has :}

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • if you don't want him to resent you why are you even considering this?

    Answer by ZaTa at 1:43 PM on May. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.