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Am I wrong for this? I beleive in karma

My older sister lost her 2 children ages 5 and 7 to DSS custody and were placed with me. I have 2 year old twins and I am 8 weeks pregnant with #3. They were going to school 45 minutes away and I drove them every morning and picked them up every afternoon. I did this for a little over 2 weeks and it cost me over $300 in gas. We went to court and DSS said they do not plan to give the children back within 6 months. I am so stressed out right now. They have finally agreed to change schools. Her children DO NOT listen to me at all! They are mean to my children and my kids have started acting up by copying them. I love my sister, but we have never been close. I am starting to think this is not going to work out, especially considering my 3rd child is due in December and we only have a 3 bedroom house. I am planning on telling the social worker that they need to find another placement. Am i wrong? How do I tell my sister?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on May. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • i have come back and read some of the other responses and it saddens me. she is trying to help but it is alot to take on. especially when the children have problems. yes it is her family and she took them becuz of that. but she also has a family of her own to worry about. i am sure she will and has tried to do everything but to make her feel bad because she is thinking about giving kids up that arent hers is sad. do what you can hon if it doesnt work than do what you feel you need to do
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 7:34 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Wow.....those children are your family. Do what you want, but like you said you believe in Karma. God forbid anything should happen to you or your hubby and your sister told social services that they would have to find other placement for your children.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:56 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Oh sorry for all your stress? Can the social worker help you get counselling for sister's kids and you and your hubby?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • you have to think about why the kids are acting out,if they were taken away then their family life apparently wasnt the greatest. maybe you could seek some counseling for them. i know this is hard on you and if you dont think you can deal with it than talk to the social worker. but it is going to have to be a decision that you really think about. and that you are sure that you wont feel guilty that they are with strangers and you are always going to wonder if they are being taken care of. however if they are being mean to your children then you have to do what you have to do. your children come first. this is a toughy hon good luck
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 11:58 AM on May. 3, 2009

  • Ya it sounds like you are overloaded. But these children are acting out cause they have'nt been parented the right way nor have they had any rules and they were propley being treated like shit. These children are getting the attention that they have wanted for awhile. You are the only one that can make the desion to raise them or have them in a foster home. It does'nt matter if your sister and you are close these children need alot right now and you may not be able to give them everything they need right now. But, your sister can't raise them right now for whatever reason the state does'nt take children out of there home for no reason. This is your choose if you can't do it then let someone else that can. GL this is gonna be a very hard choose to make and karma has nothing to do with this. You need to do whats best for your family.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 12:06 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • That's a tough one, I would not give up on those kids, as someone said if they were taken away it was because they were in a bad situation, can't be easy on those kids that's for sure. But I can also see you side, I don't know what the right answer is, you can only do what feels right for you and your family. Before you do make any choices talk to the worker and see what they can do, they want the family involved so the may have other resources, let them know your concerns and see where that takes you. Good Luck!
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:07 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Maybe another family member will take them in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Will DSS provide counseling for these children? They must be loaded with resentment and anger, though the certainly need to follow the rules if they are to stay in your home. If you truly believe that you will all be better off if they were somewhere else, then do so; however, another move may cause these children to be lost forever.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:03 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • You're not wrong. It's great that you've tried to help your sister, but you have your own family to be concerned about, too.

    You did what you could and you can't make the kids behave. I'm assuming counseling hasn't helped since things are getting worse (your kids acting up)...and that it hasn't helped your kids, either. It's also apparent counseling hasn't helped you, and that's too bad.

    You've exhausted all avenues, I hope. It's too bad the psychologist wasn't able to help you guys.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • they are acting out. Do you discipline them all the same? I can not tell you to give them up because I find that to be wrong. You would rather these children live with complete strangers and that is sad to me. I understand you are under a lot of stress. You need a family meeting- sit the kids down (ALL of them yours and your sisters) explain exactly what you expect of them, what is right wrong and indifferent. They need stability right now, discipline and love. you have SEVERAL months before your baby is due. You can do this.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 1:34 PM on May. 3, 2009