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How to get my adult stepson out of my house?

My 20 year old stepson spends his life playing video games and poker on line.
He refuses to work or study and we wasted thousands of dollars in college tuition.
My husband won't deal with the problem, as a matter of fact he doesn't see it as a problem and the kid/man just goes on living rent free in our house.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on May. 3, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • Well, you probably have to talk to your husband first. But come up with a fair game plan that both of you can live with. If he doesn't support you then it will be awful all around. He probably does care and just chooses to pretend he doesn't b/c it's easier. By not addressing the issue you're enabling your husband who is in turn enabling his son. Make it easy on your husband and it will be easier on you, just tell him all he has to do is present the plan and back you up.
    Maybe talk to your husband about starting to charge him rent. Nothing huge, just something to make him sit up and take notice that life is not free. You obviously can't just kick him to the curb, but he doesn't need to know you aren't serious when you tell him he has to pay rent or get out.
    If he plays games and computer in the family area then put a time limit on computer/game usage.
    AndrisMom

    Answer by AndrisMom at 4:43 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • OMG - I could have written this question!!! My husband even expected me to do his laundry when SS wouldn't do anything but sleep all day (because he was up all night playing games as you described)!! After a year of this, I said no more -- and guess what? My DH then started doing his son's laundry!! He stayed up once until 2:00 in the morning just to get his son's laundry done. When he finally did bring the subject up to SS, he decided he really wanted to move out on his own. Then his BM started paying for him to take his laundry to a laundromat!!! We had lots and lots of problems with this. YOU will never be able to get him out of the house unless your DH wants him out. Sorry, but we are the evil stepmonsters who just want children (esp. ADULT children) to have some responsibility. My DD had more responsibility than SS and she was only 8!! Sorry I don't have a better answer for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • talk to your husband about it...my boyfriend was the same way and his parents told him get a job...go to school...or get out (hes in school now and looking for a job)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Sad to say this is up to your husband. When you married him you married his baggage.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:49 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • That was us a few years ago. Drove me crazy! And, if I asked them to help their father with something simple, like unloading something out of the car, they'd look at me and then go back to their video games. (They were late 20's early 30's) They did work, but spent all their money on big boy "toys". I finally convinced my husband that they needed to pay rent. We agreed on a VERY small amount - I think it was $100 a month. They paid it, but decided that if they were going to pay, then it was time to be on their own. Now they are both married and each have a baby. But, they DO understand what I was talking about a few years ago, now.
    Ginny19

    Answer by Ginny19 at 9:00 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Would you think this way if it were your real son? I didnt think so, you wouldnt want to give up on him and just kick him out of the house but then again I dont know you. I cant stand my husbands step mom and if I had the chance I would slap her right in the face for taking his father away from him. My husband and I no longer have any thing to do with his dad because his step mom wants to control everything! People usually control other people cause they have no control over them selves. Not my problem cause he has a two year old grandson that he will no longer know because he has also chosen to let his wife keep him from my son. Dont try and kick him out lady, instead guid him like any human being with a heart would do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • I think answer 12:05 May 8, is taking out HER issues on the writer. Sorry poor victim of the evil step mom, regardless of your home life, you shouldn't expect to get a FREE ride in life. It's sad because what they're doing to those adult children is a disservice. When we love our children we do what's best for THEM not what's easiest for us. The reality is, one day we're not going to physically be here on this planet to cater to their every whim. The thought of my child not being able to care for himself would terrify me. That's why I teach him to be responsible for himself and to others. This isn't about control or manipulation little ms victim 12:05. If she didn't care about these two individuals she'd leave the situation entirely. God didn't put her on this planet to live in servitude to an ungrateful adult. Once that young man learns responsibility, he'll be very appreciative.
    businmessmom

    Answer by businmessmom at 10:58 AM on May. 8, 2009

  • Well you need to talk to your husband about it and make sure he understands how you feel about it. My dad is trying to get by step brother out of the house also. I talked to my dad about having him pay rent but so far that hasnt worked because he wont go out and get a job. So my dad decided that he just wouldnt feed him anymore. He put locks on all the cubbords and the fridge. He told my brother that if he was hungry then he should go get some food. That made hime get a job and start paying rent but if that wasnt going to work my dad was going to tell him that he had 2 options. Either he got a job and started going to school , or he has to sign up for the military.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 1:05 PM on May. 9, 2009

  • How funny all of these are.
    I go with RENT! $100.00 or so a month to compensate for food at least.
    My parents did that with my younger sister when her & hubby & 2 boys moved back in for 6 mths --------4 years later they were still there with NO MONEY to their name! So, Mom & Dad said RENT!
    The (now ex-hubby) decided the same thing, if they were going to pay rent they wld HAVE THEIR OWN PLACE! Go figure how that works in our minds...
    Either pay you guys rent ~~~ or move and don't leave a forwarding address!
    gr-mom2

    Answer by gr-mom2 at 5:42 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • I think you will have to get counseling with your husband. I don't think your talking to him will be enough. I have had my adult children living with me at various times. One son right after my marriage to DH, his step dad. He did not pay rent, but he did help with chores, had a full time job and was very respectful. He paid for his own gas and other car expenses as well as any extras past basic food. He was trying to save up money to move to the east coast. We enjoyed having him and were very sad when he left. We knew it was not permanent.

    Your situation sounds very different and hellish. Get a therapist on your side, quick! Then put some rules and boundaries in place in your own home.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:34 PM on May. 31, 2009

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