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do you also find this disrespectful or is it just me?

if someone close to you dies and you refer to them as 'my dead grandfather' or whatever.... my husband had a daughter before i met him who died of crib death and sometimes when we talk about her he will say 'my dead daughter' and i have to correct him 'shes your beautiful daughter who passed on....' i understand that hes just trying to make light of a situation that kills him but for her memory i find it so disrespectful!

would anyone else?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on May. 3, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (18)
  • Death is not the end. His "dead" daughter is still alive on the Other Side. He knows the extent of his love for her and I doubt that anything he says is meant disrespectfully. He might break down if he refers to her in any other way and so does it to protect his emotions. Refer to her as you wish and let him refer to her as he wishes. She, herself, really doesn't care. She knows when her daddy is thinking of her and that makes her happy.

    Answer by witchqueen at 10:12 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • i realy dont see it like that, i always say my death grandmother or my death cousin.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I won't say that it's just you, but I don't find it disrespectful. She's his daughter, and she's dead. As sad as the term may be, it's an accurate statement of fact, even if it is harsh. Truthfully, if I were him, I would be more bothered by your need to correct him. I'd let him refer to his daughter however he prefers to. He's the one who deals with the loss, he's the one who should decide how he wants to refer to her.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:31 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • when talking about my late son I don't say "dead" just my son who past away ...
    I don't think its so much being disrespectful, it's just how some people see it ....
    But if it bothers you do as you have been doing and gently correct your dh each time he
    talks about her...

    Answer by gmasboy at 5:32 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I don't think it is disrespectful. His intention is what would make it disrespectful. I'm sure it is very awkward for him to refer to a child that he loves very much as being dead and says it in a way that's as awkward as it makes him feel. It would be probably better said as "my daughter who's passed." I think it's simply lack of eloquence. Not necessarily disrespect :-)

    Answer by NovemberLove at 5:32 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • youre right tropical, i just feel like her memory should be honored better than that, but she was his and he has a right to call her what he will. i usually just try to call her by her name and that helps, we bypass the awkward part

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I do not find it disrespectful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • While I do think he could find a different terminology, I don't think he means it in any disrespect. If, however, it offends YOU, you might think about telling him how it makes you feel.

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 5:57 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • No

    Answer by mo2a27 at 5:59 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I feel that I personally would want to speak of my Family members who have died in a loving and caring way especially a child because when we lower our feeling to jokes we actually lower them too, it may be he needs counseling to allow himself the freedom to see his grief as valid, he may be doing it as a way to protect himself by belittling his own feelings, but it really doesn't.....

    Answer by lisarose45 at 6:24 PM on May. 3, 2009