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Does anyone else NOT have the goal of their children waiting til marriage for sex?

I am not religious and I don't think you need to wait until you are married for sex, I don't even think your goal should be to only have sex with one person. I will discuss with my child that I would like them to wait until they are in love, until they know the person they want to have sex with is in love with them, and that there is mutual respect. I will also teach them about condoms, STDs, and pregnancy.


Asked by kabbot01 at 7:24 PM on May. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I totally agree with you. If my daughter decides that waiting is what she wants, I will support her. I will not expect it of her, nor will I make her feel that she has disapointed me if she doesn't wait.

    Answer by Kaelaasmom at 10:06 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • i mean ideally yes but i know how teenagers are now a days with all their raging hormones, its hard for them to see the 'bigger picture'

    all i ask is that its someone they know and truly care about and if they are going to do it for the love of God use protection!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I completely agree with you. I think it is absolutely absurd for someone to expect their child to only have sex with the person they are going to marry. But to each their own.

    Answer by AnnHenderson at 7:31 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • no, i have not met one person who has ever waited until they were married. it may sound weird but you really cannot love somebody with out a sexual connection

    Answer by ShawnaMarie941 at 7:38 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I think it's an extremely lofty goal to expect of our kids these days. I was glad my mom never expected it of me, even though my dad was the first person she was ever with and the first person she ever married. (They didn't stay married, haha.)

    But yeah, I absolutely don't expect my daughter to wait until marriage. It would be nice, sure. But seriously. Let's be realistic here. Sex and sexuality are thrust at kids as young as five and six (Miley Cyrus?!). As long as they use protection and choose their partner wisely, I'm not going to stop them. I have no room to talk, haha.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 7:39 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I started having sex at 15 and ended up sleeping with 6 or 7 men before my husband. And I regret every single one. He had only slept with 2 other people but he regrets it as well. So yes I will be teaching my kids to wait until marriage (for religious reasons also). But I will not be unrealistic about it and wont make them feel like they can't come talk to me if they want to have sex or already did. I know that it is hard to wait. But if I just taught them to not have sex until they are in love and the other person loves them then they are going to have sex with every person they date throughout their teenage years most likely. I don't think I have ever met a teenage girl (including myself) who didn't think they were in love with every single boy they dated for more than a week. But that is infatuation, not love. Its too confusing for a teen to just say - have sex if you love them, its ok. IMO- But to each their own... =]

    Answer by mrsbvader at 7:41 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • When I had the talk with our 12 yr old, I put it in a very scientific sense. I showed him pictures of STD's , what they leave behind, how important it is to respect the girl and how easy it is for something to happen and then you have a baby. I have also made it very clear that if he gets a girl pregnant that he can forget going to college with my money, or living under my roof. He will finish high school, get a job, work his a$$ off to take care of the child and if he doesn't he can forget ever knowing any of us. I think it takes a bit of fear in order to get through. I want him to have relationships but I also want him to be smart enough and have enough self respect to stop and think. Our son doesn't have a clue what love is at this point so to me there's no point in even bringing that up. Telling him to wait until he's in love is silly , he's gonna love the first girl he boinks, simply because he doesn't know what love is.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:02 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I hope my child choses to accept Christ and live a biblical life. I was 26 when I had sex for the first time it was on my wedding night. We both waited and did not have the baggage so many do when they have sex with others before marriage. I have never worried about STD"s, pregnancies when I was not ready to have children and my focus was on school and career in my early 20s. I met my goals then met the man of my dreams. We married at 26 then had our first child at 32 then three more every two years. Our kids are 13, 15, 17 and 19. My 19 year old is a Junior in college my 17 year old is a Freshman in college. They both live at home and work their tails off. They have friends who have sex and some who have children. My kids said they could not imagine living life with such uncertainty. In our family we have no divorce for generations and all the marriages are very happy. The kids have courtships and no dating.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I don't think that there is fault in asking them to wait until they are in love...or at least think they are. I don't think you find 'TRUE LOVE" until you are with your life partner, but that doesn't take away from the relationships you have before then. I know I was not in love or anywhere close to it when I lost my virginity. I did not see it as a "gift" at fact, I was just in a hurry to "not be a virgin anymore". I want my kids to know that sex should be special and they can only give their virginity once. I want them to value it, but I don't think they need to be married or even with the person they will marry for that moment to be special and valuable.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:54 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I am an atheist. I think waiting until married to have sex should be the ideal, however the ideal isn't always possible. I do hope that they wait until they are adults and are in a long standing committed relationship.

    I was 18 and my husband was 21 when we each had sex for the first time. (not with each other) I don't regret anything, I knew what I was doing and I know that at that time I was with the right person. Things may not have worked out, but it was right for me.

    I just hope my children make wise choices and do what's right for them.

    Answer by Devory at 8:58 PM on May. 3, 2009