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For those of you who have children but aren't with the father.........

I know I'm crazy, but I need some input. I got a divorce from my ex two years ago. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man. I have a 4 year old son, who sees his dad occasionally. Recently, it came to light that my ex is seeing someone. (Which I am thrilled about because he's FINALLY leaving me alone! LOL) However, this woman has a 3 year old son, who my son is becoming FAST friends with. At any rate, he's been spending more and more time with my ex's girlfriend. She even took him to Safari Land (without my ex) during his weekend visit. Here's my issue: 1) My son is still little, and although I KNOW he knows I'M his mommy, I don't want him to like her more (especially because I can't afford the things that his dad or her buy him or take him too...........mainly because he hasn't paid child support in a LONG while.) and 2) My son's visits are with his DAD and should be spent with his dad. PERIOD.

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TheDiva320

Asked by TheDiva320 at 7:33 PM on May. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (156 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Continued:
    I don't mind if the girlfriend is there, but my ex shouldn't "pawn" my son off on her so he can do what he wants instead of visiting with his son. Especially since he makes a HUGE deal out of getting him. So, how do you cope? Or what should I do to ease my worries.

    PS My ex has HORRIBLE judgement when it comes to people he associates with so I'm VERY protective of who my son is around when he's there. I DO NOT know this girl, and really have no real desire to get to know her. But it worries me that she may not be a good influence on my son.
    HELP!!!!
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:36 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • get to know her real good! other than that be happy she is being nice to your child too.
    three-for-now

    Answer by three-for-now at 7:37 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Honestly, I see nothing wrong with her taking the child to places and doing things with the child.
    It shows she is trying to have a good relationship with the child, and children need that. There are worse things that she could do, like be mean to the child
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 7:37 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • you are jealous. You do need to accept that there will be another female leader in the pack. Yes you are mommy, but you need to know sometimes your child might tell you he hates you and loves so and so (not saying that is the case now). While yes, I agree the father should have been there- if he was working then I do not see a problem with her doing something fun with the child.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 7:37 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Tell your ex that you want to meet her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • He won't let me talk to her at all. It took me WEEKS to find out that she was HIS girlfriend and not his brother's. My son finally told me. Like I said, I don't mind that he's seeing someone. I just want to know that my son is ok and she is ok around him.

    History:
    My ex is an alcoholic and a drug addict, so this is what truely worries me. He knows that I don't allow him to drink around our son, because he's irresponsible when he does. He knows that that will stop visitation immediately (according to the visitation agreement.) I just want to make sure she's a good influence on him.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:40 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • First of all, get him to pay child support! That will help you so much. If you can't afford a lawyer, talk to your state's department of child support. Second, check your custody order. In mine, it says that if either parent cannot care for the children for more than 4 hours, they go to the other parent. That way, each parent has a bit of leeway for appointments & such & can hire a babysitter if needed but they can't just dump the kids on relatives or friends for the weekend (school, of course, doesn't qualify under that). Third, if you think this relationship is going anywhere, you have to get to know this woman. If she is going to be caring for your child, you need to know what kind of person she is. Ask her for coffee sometime when the kids aren't around. You may be pleasantly surprised. And don't worry--my ex always tries to buy my kids' affection & at 5 & 6, they already see right through him. Hugs!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 7:40 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Zata- I might be jealous of her having a better relationship with my son then me (which is crazy and impossible! LOL) My ex doesn't work. Mainly so he doesn't have to pay child support. Which is another issue, because he goes out with this girl, but won't support his child. (A whole other mess). If he was working, then I could understand it.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:42 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Funnyface- Thank you! I am fighting with child support enforcement right now to get what he should be giving to help raise my son. Our visitation agreement is pretty strict as to where he can take our son, who can be around our son, etc. He's supposed to be present at the visitation at all times or no visits. As far as her being nice, I consider myself nice and he had me once, so it's possible he found someone else who is nice. Thank you for the reassurance about buying affection, it makes me feel better. :)
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:45 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • your being jealous and need to get over it. Your son knows your his mom and that's that. its his weekend to have him..doesn't mean he has to spend every waking second w him. you dont sound like your over you ex....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on May. 3, 2009

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