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Stepson thinks last names matter

Today my stepson said that all the people who live at his dads house(dad,me,2 stepsisters), are not all his family because two of them have different last names. He is 3rd grade and has been a member of this family for 4 years. I am stuck on how to respond to this as we have him 50% of every week, and his mom will soon be changing her last name. Help?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on May. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • I don't have step children, but I'll try to help, because I had a thought.

    You can explain to him that just because last names differ, doesn't make a person any less family. Use his mother's family, as example. I'm guessing he doesn't have her maiden name, but her parents and brothers (if she has brothers) do. If his dad has sisters who are married, their last names are also different. But they are STILL family.

    I hope that helps.
    Mangy_Momma

    Answer by Mangy_Momma at 7:47 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • i would use extended family as examples. like cousins. they are family, but they don't have the same last name. also explain that your friends can be like family as well. tell him that no matter what name he has or you have or the people under your roof have, that they will always be his family.

    it sounds like maybe he is having a hard time since his mom's name is getting ready to change.

    good luck. i am a step mom, but in our house everyone has the same last name except me because i am not married to my SO. His kids have his name, our daughter together has his name, and his parents are living with us right now so they also have his name. their mom changed her name when they got divorced back to her maiden name and then remarried last year so her name has changed a lot for them. they want me to have their name because it comes up sometimes, but i tell them that it will eventually when me and daddy get married.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:44 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • i was a step child and i chose not to take my stepfathers name for childish reasons (duh i was a kid lol) mostly it was a sense of losing myself. i agree with the PP....getting older i realized its just a name..and those who arent technically family...generally are there through it all. her suggestion of explaning it sounds so great..i just had to say i totally agreed with it and to give it a shot. couldnt think of a better way to say it myself!! just be sure to tell him that its ok to have his last name be different, but even if it changed he wouldnt be any less a part of the family!
    FoxyRoxyMommy

    Answer by FoxyRoxyMommy at 11:03 PM on May. 3, 2009

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