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I need HELP! Adoption questions...

I feel terrible. I had an unwanted pregnancy and really wanted to give the baby up for adoption but several people made me feel bad about the decision so I decided to have and keep the baby. He is now 3 months old and I feel no connection with him. I really don't want to parent him or have anything to do with him. I am engaged to the father and he does not want to give him up. I will give the baby his basic needs (feed him, change him, bathe him, etc.) but I don't talk to him or hold him like I should be. I desperately want to give him up for adoption. Is it possible to give a 3 month old baby up for adoption??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on May. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (23)
  • It is possible but both parents must sign papers that terminate parental rights. It sounds like you're having a really tough time right now. Have you considered leaving the baby with the fiance? Or a family member? You certainly have the right to feel how you feel As long as the best interest of the child always comes first. Physical needs being met are important. Feeling loved and wanted is almost more important. Children tend to disaccosiate by age two if not bonded with a parent/caregiver. Speak to the childs father about how you feel. Not everyone that gets pregnant is ready to be a parent.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:30 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Yes, but you have to get your fiance to sign his rights as well.

    I'm so sorry you feel this way. It saddens me, but I'm happy you're putting the child first.

    Good luck.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 8:46 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • It is possible but you would need to also have the biological father's consent to terminate his parental rights. Your options most likely include: get help and counseling about your feeling toward this child, end your relationship with your partner and let him raise this child (walk away), or together you both terminate your parental rights. None sound like thrilling options. I would rule out anything medical like post partum depression and other forms of disorders. Those can get in the way of healthy attatchment. After you rule out medical then I would do counseling. And yes, there are couples out there who would do a private adoption for an older child. My husband and I are going to adopt an older child and are looking for anywhere from birth to preschool and to do so privately and not through the state. I'm not trying to soliciate her so no one get her panties in a wad. But there are couples who would adopt him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I'm really sorry you are going through this. I would definitely talk to my doctor, just to be sure it isn't postpartum depression, I would hate to see you go through with an adoption, if it is just PPD. Perhaps you could do an open adoption, and talk with the adoptive parents about sending pictures and letters later on if you decide you would like to have them. My husband and I are hoping to adopt a little one, we have a 4 year old son, that is very anxious to be a big brother! I'll be praying for you & your little one, I'd hate to see you go through with adopt and later change your mind. Consider open adoption, that is what we are hoping for, that way you might even get to visit your son, and still be a small part of his life, it's the least the adoptive parents can do, after all, you are giving them an amazing little blessing! You'll be in my prayers & I'm here if you ever want to talk!
    Christian-Mom79

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 10:03 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I kinda hope this isnt a real question
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • lacks the the ring of truth - bogus!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • The people who made you feel bad about your decision... where are they now? They should be willing to help you. If they made you feel bad then, they will make you feel even worse at 3 months.
    You can easily make an adoption plan at 3 months but if the dad doesnt want to place, you are wasting your time even thinking about adoption. Unless you want to split up with him and assign all your rights over to him, that baby is yours unless the both of you decide.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • You can place a child at 3 months. I actually think it is better for the birth mom to bring a child home first then decide if she wants to still place her child for adoption. If you fiance is not on board and will not allow for the adoption you could give up custody to him and move on with your life. I personally would go to the doctor if you are suffering from PPD and get on meds you may feel differently. Some people are not equipped to be moms and don't always connect with their babies. If that is the case here you do what is best for the child and quit listening to those who will talk, talk, talk but never help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • OP where are you......................?? If this IS a real question, come back and explain more about your situation. Have you been checked for Post Partum Depression? Is the baby sleeping several hours at a time now? If not, you are probably sleep deprived and everything seems worse when you are tired and depressed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I agree with other posters: you could be suffering from PPD. also, while I commend you for taking baby home and everything, you will need the father's support and consent for adoption. If he doesn't want to, then you are stuck. And you won't be able to just walk away and wash your hands of baby, you will be obligated to pay support to your fiance. And don't try convincing him of adoption just because you don't want to parent. If he wants his baby, walk away and pay support for the next 18 yrs.

    But please, check with your doc about PPD before making any rash decisions.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 9:33 PM on May. 4, 2009

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