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I dont know what to do...

I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years, and we have a 4 year old son. We got engaged last june and set the wedding date for august 15, 2009. I have already reserved and planned everything, its all set and payed for. I am truly in love with this man, but we do have our problems but who doesnt?

But lately he has been acting wierd pushing me away and starting fights over nothing! He travels with his job and is not home very often, he has been away for almost 3 months now. The past 3 days he has really been fighting with me, and today I found out that he had cheated on me with a girl in another state and that she was driving from idaho to new york to see him!!! And he said that he had been fighting with me because he wanted to make him self feel better about the situtaion! He says he is sorry and wants to work on things between us but I dont know what to do...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on May. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Maybe setting the date really pushed him over the edge, and he's not as ready for commitment as he thought he was. Sometimes men do that sort of thing and don't think about the consequences. I would go to a relationship counseler. If he really values your relationship, he won't put up too much of a fight. It sounds like he has a lot to lose! Best of luck to you!
    tangleballlover

    Answer by tangleballlover at 9:08 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • contact her and make sure he's given her up. Many men keep the other woman on the side just in case things don't work at home. Do you have her contact info? email address? phone number? If she went that far to see him then it wasn't just a casual thing. Know the truth before you say I Do. Goodness knows what he told her. He may have her making wedding plans also. I'm not trying to hurt you. I just think all cards should be on the table and talking to her would tell you the truth about what's up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:09 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Uh.. a simply goodbye is in order. He lost your trust.. you cannot trust him again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • It's not your place to contact her. She may not even know that you exist. I am sorry but this does not call for anything with her.. it's not her fault. It is HIS! Dump him NOW!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • If he really wants to work on things, then he should call her with you there listening, and tell her about you and break it off with her. Also, you definitely should not get married this year. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, and I have given several chances to my now husband, and it took A LOT for him to be serious (even after we got married). So, If you give him a chance to work it out, dont' be easy on him. You'll never gain that trust back that you had because it'll always be in the back of your mind "is he out cheating right now". And, with him traveling for his job, the temptation will still be there for him. He may have to quit his job to keep you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Sounds to me like he is not ready to get married. Personally this is the way I feel about cheating. It is one thing to cheat on someone when you are just in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...maybe the person just made a mistake and deserves a 2nd chance. However once you are engaged to someone that commitment level is much higher and even though he might just be getting cold feet about getting married, that is no excuse for him cheating on you. And you have to think of it this way...he is going to be traveling for work for as long as he has this job. Every time he goes there is it going to cross your mind if he is cheating on you? If it is I can tell you that is NOT a good life to lead. I trust my fiance no matter where he goes. But I don't think I could stay with him if every time he went out of town I would have to wonder what he's going. I'd say leave him. You don't deserve to be cheated on.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 9:19 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I know how your feeling i been there too....It;s hard to look for answers on here you have people telling you to leave him all that other crap,but you know deep down you don't want to becuz u love him and you have a family....I'm going through the same thing it will be hard to trust him but its hard...but you can't help who you love. I love my b/f and i'm pregnant.Before you do anything i would try and see what happens i know it hurts an u feel so along and like ur not good enough so they have to look sumwhere else but its not ur fault sometimes men do stupid things and don't think till after they did it...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • Alone not along*
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • *Wave goodbye* He's already cheated on you before you got married, that's what you call a huge red flag and prerequisite to what your married life will be. He's NOT worth your time. Move on...you deserve someone that respects you, treats you good and won't lie and cheat on you end of story!

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:38 PM on May. 3, 2009

  • I can understand that you love him and want this to work. But he has cheated on you. I would postpone the wedding if I were you, and see if he can earn your trust back. My question to you is this - can you forgive him? I mean truly forgive him for it? It takes alot of work to get past infidelity. I know, I have been there, and we are still married. I can work. But he has to NEVER have contact with this woman again. And he is right, men who are cheating will pick fights just to make themselves justify that what they are doing is okay, because the relationship is not working out anyway. It gives them an excuse. And as another poster said, he may need to get another job that does not take him away from home.
    Also, do you know for sure this is the first time he has done this? Please get tested for STD's, and he needs to be tested as well. For you and your baby's sake.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on May. 3, 2009

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