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This is going to sound awful...but im so jealous of his dead wife! How do I get over it?

My man was married before and his wife died. She is the mother of my step daughter. Im a jealous person by nature, and I dont show when im jealous. But im just torturing myself thinking about it so much.

He says he wasnt happy with her when they were together and that he was filing for divorce (but she died before it went through). But still, he has some of her stuff (for their daughter) and even a painting of her in the daughters room. I sometimes feel like he misses her and wants to be with her. I know you're supposed to miss people who die, but im so jealous that I dont want him to. I want him to sorta forget about her. Or be angry at her for what she did (OD, abandoned the daughter while he was off in the army etc...the worst thing is that he has a myspace, which is fine, but on there he wrote all this loving sweet stuff after she died and its still up there (on the main page) He says its just out of respect, not love.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on May. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • He probaly does have alittle special place in his heart for her but is in love with you now!! And the jealousey stage will pass. I used to be so jealous of my hubby's ex we lived so close to her and we saw her off and on alot!!! It used to bother me but not anymore I am married to him and he is mine!

    Answer by ellies3boys at 1:07 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • she's dead hun, theres nothing she can do to try to get him back. its good that he kept those things for his daughter. if you died and had kids with him, wouldn't you want him to make sure that they still had your memory, even if he got remarried? i understand its human nature to be jealous of the feelings he may still have but theres no way they can be acted on so you need to try to let them go.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:07 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • You have no reason to be jealous of her. She is dead. And he loved her at one point and that is something you are just going to have to deal with. They had a child together and that was her mom. Have you lost an x husband or an x boyfriend who you once loved and had a child with? If you haven't you can't really know how anyone feels in that situation. I am engaged to my fiance now and we have been together for almost 2 years but if I found out my x boyfriend had died...I would be sad and I would miss him because yes I did love him at one point and we did have good times together. It is just something you are going to have to live with. You can't change the way he feels about her and it would be wrong of you to be upset about it.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:10 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • i do understand being jealous, but since they have a daughter she NEEDS to be a part of his life for their daughter. my husband had a daughter who died of crib death and for his daughters memory i want him and his ex to talk because i feel its out of respect for his daughter. there was a story by amy tan, i THINK it was 'saving fish from drowning' and it was kind of like this, only the girlfriend died while pregnant. its a good story though

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • ok everything seems normal up until the myspace thing...

    Answer by nairda at 1:27 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Here's the thing - she's dead, and you aren't. Whether he would still be with her or not, whether he would have divorced her or not, doesn't matter. She died, and YOU are with him. Or, more specifically, HE is with you. He loves you, and he has chosen to continue to live, even though she's dead, and he's chosen to do that with you.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:59 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • cont

    Also, try to look at it like this - instead of it being a threat to you, look at it as a testament to what a wonderful, loving man you're with, because even though he has moved on and found love again, he has a big enough heart to try to keep the memory of a dead woman alive, for their dd, and, probably, for himself, too. Try to look at it like this - if YOU were to die, wouldn't you want him to still remember YOU? Instead of this being a threat, you're lucky enough to know how he will honor your memory, if you were to die - look at it as a sneak peek into your future. Most of us don't know (we can guess and hope, but we don't KNOW) how our dh's would honor our memory. You do, by seeing how he honors hers.

    Instead of being jealous - think what you've got that she doesn't - being with dh, getting to raise her dd, getting to be alive... You're the "winner" here, not her...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:03 AM on May. 4, 2009

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