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ok ladies need some advice!

My sister who is 17 is graduating next month. My sister is taking me, my husband, my mom and dad to her senior dinner, My mom is freaking out because my dad is a "recovering" alcoholic, they have been divorced for 16 years. She doesnt think that my dad deserves to go to the senior dinner, so she told my sister that if she really takes him that she is not go to go. I think that this is riduculous, its my sisters dission, its her graduation not my mothers! My mom thinks that everything needs to revolve around her.
Now mom isnt even talking to my sister because she is mad about the whole thing. I tried to talk to my mom about it and all I kept hearing was I dont want this and mememememe!!!!! Ahhhhh! Its starting to get really old. When my husband and I were talking about our wedding she even told me that my dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle and that she did. She got so mad at me when I told her no. I dont get it?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on May. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I feel bad for your sister, your mom is being selfish and needs to get over it. This is your sister's day and she should be able to have her father there if she wants.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:49 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • she sounds bitter! im sorry, i would be very upset too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • I'm sure your mom is full of unresolved hurt about her ex, your dad. BUT she needs to step aside and let what goes on between father and his kids. If your mom misses out, then she is the one losing out. You can't fix her. She is being selfish, but has her own internal reasons. I say go, support your sister and don't beg mom to come. Hopefully, she'll make the right decision.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 8:58 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Obviously she is being very selfish. I feel sorry that you and your sister have been put in this situation. However, as you have said it was your choice who walked you down the isle and its your sister's choice who she wants and finds deserving to go to her senior dinner. It doesn't sound like your mother is the listening type but if you do choose to talk to her again about this, try to explain to her in the most civil manner that this event is about your sister, not her. That its her choice who she wants there. And I would try to reassure your sister as much as possible that no matter what you are always there for her and support her choice to have your dad at the dinner. If your mom isn't talking to her, she probably could use some support.

    good luck!
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:01 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • If mom chooses to miss this event, it will be her loss.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:20 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Your mom is being a big selfish baby!! If she "cuts off her nose to spite her face" its her problem. Your sis should stand her ground!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • You and your sister are the victims in all of this. Your parents, especially your mom needs to suck it up and go for your sisters sake. You did not chose your father, she did. Your relationship with your dad is NOT the same as that of hers with her husband. Being a parent is about unconditional love, it's not like your sister is some huge crack head that is abusing her family and needs to be cut off. It is a senior dinner for heaven sakes. Your mom needs to stand by your sister regardless of the feelings she has for her ex-husband. Life is short, does she really want to miss out on this all over petty crap?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:58 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • I agree with TeacherMom. Your mom is so hurt and angry with your dad. She thinks that by keeping him from enjoying the milestones of your lives (or trying to) she's punishing him. Really, all she is doing is hurting you. I grew up the same way. Unfortunately, in my experiance, there is nothing you can do. She's so wrapped up in herself and her anger that she can't see the damage she's doing. You can try telling her that she's only hurting you, but I don't think she'll listen. Do what makes you happy and what you feel in your heart is right. Try to enjoy these times in spite of her. Your mom has to deal with her anger in her own time, as she will her guilt for what she's putting you two through (and trust me at some point she will look back and see it). Just hold on tight to your sister! You'll be that much closer for it. Let me know if you need someone to vent to. I've been there! Good luck!
    HaydensMommy708

    Answer by HaydensMommy708 at 11:02 AM on May. 4, 2009

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