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Being a sinlge mom is the hardest thing ive ever done...

I dont really have a question, i just needed somewhere to vent. and i figured somewhere like cafemom, with other women just like me, would be the perfect place. im 20, and a single mom to a beautiful 3 year old boy. the father has never been around. he denies hes even his. i filed for child support 2 years ago, but the father keeps skipping out on the paternity test. ive finally scraped up enough money to go back to school, and start in less than 2 weeks. im terrified. i feel like im lost in life. i lost all my friends from high school. they didnt want to be associated with the "pregnant girl." i dont go out much, because i have no one to watch my son, so im home every minute of every day. when i express any want of going out for myself, im constantly reminded by my family that i "chose" to have this life. im a good mother to my son, but a mother is the last thing i ever wanted to be. i guess im just wanting a break.

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Asked by Jalensmom813 at 9:37 AM on May. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (14)
  • i know honey im sorry, its a scary thing

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Oh im feeling for you!!! I am a single mom also. If you ever need to chat send me a msg. It is so hard with no break, but motherhood has so many rewards. I often wish I had someone to share it with. The heartaches and joys are too much to absorb alone. I have my parents spend the night on Christmas eve because it is too much excitement watching a child get up for christmas when you have no one to share it with. Just keep talking there are others like you out there!!

    Answer by ria7 at 9:50 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • thats why you should get married and then get pregnant! It is a 2 person job and only gets harder the older they get!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • I think anon903 comment has kindness behind it somewhere. But the reality of life is even marrieds have bad relationships and fathers who skip out. I've raised my three kids myself but with their father's financial support.. he's chosen to not be involved daily for homework, discipline, sicknesses. Are you going back to school meaning college? If so a group that sometimes meets at least at 2 year colleges is displaced homemakers. They help single or divorced women, moms gain control. If your getting your hs diploma GED which ever college or hs you should be very very proud of yourself for doing this. How close are you emotionally to your parents? If you get along great with them but your pride stops you from allowing them to help you, rethink it I suggest. My mother never helped me with sick kids or gave me a day off. I had to pay babysitters for years when available..

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • mum of 3, aarh, im right up there with you, of course you need a break, every so often, i dont get out either and i feel im going nuts most of the time you have to hang in there, you become stronger and feel you can conquer anything, i keep telling myself il come out the other side of whatever it all throws at me, dont give up, lock yourself in a room and cry if you have to sometimes, i feel despair more than joy most of the time, its hell but you should feel proud of yourself knowing your doing it alone and its far from easy consider yourself wonder woman

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • You need to try to build a network of support. With a spouse, I could not have lived without my friends who traded child care with me. Go to parks and childrens events at the library; say hi to another mom.
    I am so proud of you for going back to school and buidling a better life for you and your child.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:19 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • 913anony of my kids is in early twenties taking classes at a two year college by distant learning cuz no car available to get back and forth to campus colleges. Think of that too if getting childcare is hard. It's full credit for a degree. Almost all community 2 year colleges offer distant learning degrees. The world's schedule just doesn't allow every one to drive to campus and park thitty miles away to get to class!! Some degrees at two year colleges can be done entirely on line and others degrees have some classes for specific degrees on line. You are a very impressive mommy. Look into displaced homemakers in your county or another. Maybe too there's a babysitting co op you can join in town on a compass for either hs or college. Proud of you mommy!!! Your son is very lucky to have your love.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • wow, i never expected to get this much support. you all are truly heroes. yes, im going to college. and someone asked me about my relationship with my parents... i moved back in with my parents last summer, and they help me out sometimes financially, but thats it. i love them to death, but they arent the type to take my son out anywhere. at the college i go to, i dont qualify for financial aid because i live with my parents and they make more than allowed. & since i dont qualify for financial aid, i also dont qualify for help with daycare. i love my son more than anything, but he is a handful. and to the person who left the third comment- i know i shouldve gotten married 1st. i was 16 when i got pregnant. it wasnt planned, and it was a dumb decision. dont think i dont think about that every single day. but its done now. and the most i can do is take care of MY responsibility. i made a mistake, but at least im owning up to it

    Answer by Jalensmom813 at 10:37 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Being a mom period is hard, having to do it alone is harder! I was a single mom for 6 years after my divorce, and it was the absolute hardest time of my life!! I felt lost, too. It's bad enough when you have a bad day, or just need a shoulder to cry on, then you come home from work and it's just you and the kids, and they don't understand. Money was never an issue for me. I never had any!! I still don't have much, but having someone to share being broke with makes it easier! Kudos to you for going back to school! Obviously you can't count on the sperm donor for help. Isn't there something the courts can do if he doesn't show for the test? Like a warrant or something? Get his ass in there and make him start paying back child support!! It makes it easier to enjoy your children when you don't have to worry about money as much.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:43 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Congratulations on going back to school. That is the first step to not feeling lost in life, and a wonderful thing to do for yourself and your child! I know you're scared, but starting new things is always scary. I also know you need a break. I'm not a single mother and sometimes I need a break! Think of it this way though: by being back in school you are going to make a ton of new friends, many of which I'm sure are in your same situation. It will also be time to yourself (sort of). It's going to give you such a confidence boost. I know you're going to be just fine! GOOD LUCK!!!!

    Answer by HaydensMommy708 at 10:45 AM on May. 4, 2009

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