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How can I get my hubby to help with baby more? I'm exhausted every day

My hubby wont help- I mean it. Ive tried talking, fighting, begging, reasoning, nothing works. The nurses in the hospital tried & he got mad. He hasnt changed 1 diaper, fed no bottles, willnot get up @ night(even tho I had a c-section and was anemic.) The sex has stopped-he says I need to take care of baby & have no time. He says its my job to take care of baby. He works. I used to work, but I got injured, and I did pay bills- I recieved a settlement & paid off the morgage- we have only 2 yrs left to pay a 40 yr. morg. I am @ home with baby, but it is hard I have pain every day, but I love my baby & I am glad I had him-he gives me happiness. I donot know if I really love my hubby anymore, because of his attitude, but I cant leave him right now. He does work, but he is a DAD too. Your life changes when you have kids. He still has the same schedule tv, computer, reads, weights. He gave up nothing. Job-supervisor-no labor.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on May. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think that the baby is going to realize when he gets older that Daddys not involved with his life enough. Children tell you when they get older how they feel as adults about your parent skills/if you where their for them etc. The baby will be Grateful for Mom and resentful that Dad didnot spend time with him -if the situation doesnt change. Kids know who takes care of them, who sacrifies, a job that pays money is great, but being a mom is a job, being a housewife is another job, beong a wife is another job-so is being a dad is also a job you can be on cruise control- you have to work with your wife and spend time with the child. Your husband is confused there are housewives that do not have children. Being a parent is a diffrent position. Being a good parent takes time- giving up tv shows to hold your baby. Dad will regret not helping later, especially if Moms health gets worse (hopefully not.) He needs to mature.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • my hubby was the same way when our son was a newborn. he actually didnt start helping me until our son was at the "fun age".

    Answer by SThompson21 at 11:25 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • wanna trade for a day? I'm a single mom with 3 kids and NO help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • He has his job, you have your job. If he came to you and asked you to do his job for him would you do it? Sure it's great if a man wants to help out on occasion but it's not his job and you're never going to make him do it.

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 11:37 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Your life does change when you have kids. My opnion is that eventhough he is the father of the baby he still has to raise the baby, care for the baby, etc. if he wants to be considered a dad. If it was my husband I would take it. Granted he works and he can come home and have sometime for him but I expect him to help seeing as I am not the only one who had a baby. It was our decision and we should share the responsiblities of being parents!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on May. 4, 2009

  • Rhonda, is that how you really feel?? I feel sorry for you...
    We have 5 kids, and my husband has helped with everything from day one! Even his exwifes siad whne the kids were babies he'd get up and feed them. The men help to make the babies, they NEED to help take care of them too. So what if you are not working, yes taking care of the baby turning the day is your new job, but when hubby gets home he has to clock in for his new job too. Just like if he got a second job. I would tell him he could help or move the f out! Since your settlement paid for the mortgage I would not leave the house, i'd make him leave. Do nothing for him, no cooking for him, no cleaning his clothes, nada until he starts to help out. If that doesn't work I would really tell him he needs to move out and that you are going to file for divorce, custody and cs.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 12:54 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • If you have medical problems he should help out sometime-people do not know what it is like to be unhealthy and have pain every day that does not go away. it just is more or less pain depending on actvity level. I was married to a man who treated me like a slave I did every thing @ home while he relaxed after work- I told him a womens work never ends!!! - I beleive he should help you when he is just watching tv he should spend time with his child--he is a dad now-it is not about being selfisf- he is sharing his life with you and if you need a break he is suppossed to help out even just for a few mins. He should appreciate you giving him a child and nothing beats a dedicated Mom, you had that baby even tho you r in pain- Good Luck to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • When he gets home from work, have bottles, diapers, and change of baby clothes on the table, all easy accs. for him. Hand him the baby grab your keys and say I'm going out to the store watch your child. Everything you need is on the table. And just leave. He'll be forced to take care of the baby. Even if you just go down to mc donalds for a coffee just take 15 mins out of the house to get some you time in. Honestly he should be able to handle at least an hour alone. I would make sure she was fed and changed though right before he got home, so at least you know she wont be starving or sitting in a wet diaper.



    Answer by Vanessannd at 12:57 PM on May. 4, 2009