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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships

how do I get my mother-in-law to back off?

she's been pushy every since I was pregnant. My husband and I got pregnant when we were engaged...so she was a bit pushy from the start. Since my to-be-husband was overseas at the time, she was pushing for a stupid proxy (her lawyer friend suggested it..)basically we would get married by paper..
it was dumb and a lot of drama ensued over our wedding..
after I had my son she kept tellimg me how to breastfeed and getting all into my business because she was all high and mighty and has had 4 kids...
when we moved, I found a christian book on how to raise boys..which I wasn't comfortable with getting.
she absolutely seems OBSESSED with my son.
now that he is 9 months, she's pushing for more...one day she asked if he could sleep over..
another if she could give him a bath and I'm just not comfortable with any of that yet.
she gets upset easily and cries alot, how the hell do I tell her to back off ?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on May. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You should have your husband tell her. After all it is his mother.
    AmberBrat

    Answer by AmberBrat at 2:02 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I'd let your husband know she makes you feel uncomfortable. if he gets defensive, he has the right because she is his mother afterall, but hopefully he'll understand that he is HIS father, you are HIS mother and no one else has the right to take control, tell you how to do things or push you to do something. it's ok for MIL to be in your sons life but if it's too much for you (and you certainly made that clear in this post)...I'd let her know!
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 2:10 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I think you should talk to your husband and let him know she is being pushy and making you uncomfortable. Since it is his mom, ideally he should be the one to talk to her. If he can't/won't then you might have to just be blunt with her. Say something like "I know you love the baby, you are a good grandma, but could you please back off a little and give me some space? it makes me uncomfortable when you try to take over." If she is still this way after you/hubby talk to her then you might have to lay down some ground rules. Good luck, I hope everything works out!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:54 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • You don't. You should encourage her. Let her help more and stop pushing her away. That's his grandmother. She probably seems obsessed because it sounds like you are just pushing her away.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 3:23 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • tell her you're not comfortable with any of that yet, but i dont see why she cant give him a bath. Of course she is gonna seem like shes obsessed because thats her grandbaby you're gonna be the exact same way, try to be understanding and like chrissy said, quit pushing her away
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 3:37 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • My mother in law is the same way. she invited herself to my ultrasound.. then when we found out its a girl.. she looked at my husband and said.. im sorry honey.. maybe next time. he was thrilled we were having a girl. she completely ruined the moment. then shes been asking to be in the delivery room. both of us told her no.. and i asked my doctor to see if i can insure that she wont be there. he said that his policy is no one other than the father in the room. so i told her.. she called my hospital and asked them if she could be in the room. then had the nerve to call me and throw a fit because she thinks im lying to her..... so i get where your comming from with the pushy thing, what im doing is just telling her that this is my baby and right now i want all the joys of parenting to myself. from what i understand your MIL has done this 4 times. you havent.. she needs to understand this is your baby. not hers. i hope this helps
    ChloeMom0709

    Answer by ChloeMom0709 at 4:59 PM on May. 4, 2009

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