Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do you do when you don't like/approve of your young teen dd's bf?

What steps, if any, do you take or what kinds of things do you say when your instincts tell you that he is bad influence? What if she just can't resist his "charms", even though she knows she deserves better?

Answer Question
 
dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 2:22 PM on May. 4, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I havent had to deal w/that yet. But from what i hear...its better to keep them feelings to yourself. My mom was quick to warn my sister bout her loser bf and theyre still together. Im thinking it braught them even closer together cause she was always defending him. JMO
    roxxxy

    Answer by roxxxy at 2:29 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • i went through that. i had this boyfriend that i was "so in love with because he was so perfect". lol. my parents tried to forbid me from seeing this guy and it didnt work. i saw him anyway. my best advice to you is to let her make her own mistakes. in time, she will see that he is not good for her and choose not to be with him anymore. be there when she needs advice, give her your honest opinions, and when she finally sees that he is no good, be there to comfort her and say those things that moms say to make us feel better. dont try to force her to dump him because that will only cause a fight between you and her. good luck and i hope this helps. i have a 2 year old so im giving you advice from my own teenage years. :)
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 2:33 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Well, if you say "you can't see him again" she's just going to start sneaking around. So keep them around the house as much as you can. It probably won't last too long.
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 2:50 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Always follow your instints before anything else. Get her away from anyone you feel is leading her astray.
    Ladyelizabet722

    Answer by Ladyelizabet722 at 3:42 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • You treat him like your long, lost son! You invite him over for dinner often, ask him to help set the table, or whatever you would have your own children do. Hug him! Remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer!
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:18 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I certainly do not believe in ignoring your own feelings and letting your teen know your feelings as this is just allowing your teen to do whatever. I do think it is perfectly OK for a parent to express to a teen they are not comfortable with the choice of BF or GF they have chosen. I would give more encouragement and praises to my child that they still have a long life to live and for me directly with my 13 year old, I remind her that family, school, activities all come first before the BF, and that I hope someday she will meet someone (after she is out on her own) that will cherish her and all she is.
    TheFriskyKitty

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 5:01 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Tell her. I wish my mom told me stuff like that, my dating life would have been so much easier id my my just said "Ew that kids a scumbag and you deserve better."
    MammaBella

    Answer by MammaBella at 7:42 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • As long as she isn't being abused, then I would be super nice to him, invite him over for dinner and to hang out. Act like he is the best boyfriend ever. IT will drive her crazy. If you keep saying you don't like him. she can do better, etc. if will just make her stay with him. Trust me, I speak from personal experience. I stayed with someone because everyone made it known how much they disliked him. I wasted a couple of years with him.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:45 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I am surprised no one has told you to stop her from seeing him (there are always a few annoying answers like that) but I agree with the above answers - unless you have strong and specific reasons for not liking him, just deal with it. I like the idea of being overly nice to him - I had a similar situation and alot of people suggested that, but I just couldn't do it! In my case, I remained neutral (actually my DD knew we didn't like the kid cause he is on my husband's soccer team) and tried to stress that it it ALWAYs her responsiblity and her choices as to how she acts no matter who she is with (She loves to blame others for her bad choices). And when we had a few clashes about him, I did tell her that I was still glad we talked and she stood up for what she thought - even if she knows we don't agree. And I generally did ask about him just as I do all her friends (and again, some you like, some you don't).
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 9:02 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • the fact is she is under 18 the parent are in charge. If you have reason for not trusting the boy then you tell her why and don't allow her to see him.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 11:05 PM on May. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN