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Hubby says we aren't close anymore beacuse of our DD. Help....

We have been married for 6 1/2 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. Before she came, we were very wrapped up in each other and done everything together. And since she came along we still do have date nights and things but it seems like the last several months we have grown apart. I am a SAHM and he travels and I get lonely and he says I have an attitude! When he is home, he works around the house all the time and we don't do much together. He says that we aren't as close because of my DD. he says I am too wrapped up in her. I told him that she is like my job! I still have a monitor in her room and he says I need to let her be a big girl! I love my husband! What do we need to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on May. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Try to turn the baby monitor off for a few nights if you can maybe he feels like he doesn't have alot of input my daughters dad was pushing me to move her from her bassinet into her crib I was very stubborn like "why does this guy want to ruin this truly remarkable bond between my daughter and I?" lol it's hard when you are doing what you feel is right and then taking in dads opinions too just try sometimes he will feel like you and him are in it together and not so much like a 3rd wheel.
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 2:40 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • You need to go back to being your husband's girlfriend. Treat him like you cannot get enough of him. You do need to take care of your daughter obviously, but a strong healthy marriage is necessary for the security and well-being of your daughter, so you need to start putting some effort there. Your husband is telling your what is wrong, so you need to listen.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 2:46 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Well my son i s3 years old and I do have the monitor in our room on all nights. I include my husband and child rearing is a thing husband and I do together, it isn't all about our son neither is it all about my DH. Everything has his place son goes to bed at 8:00 PM and then it is our time as a couple. But if DH wants more attention he knows to ask me: How can I make your life easier? That gets him some extra attention because he makes my life easier I have more energy to spent it on him. Get DH on board to help you more so you won't be exhausted and more willing to give him the attention and closeness he craves from you.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 3:01 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Well I think you and hubby should sit down and talk this out. You both need to speak up and be open and honest about how you feel, and problem solve to see what solutions you both can come up with to spend more time together - as a couple, and also a family (with DD). What time does DD go to bed? What about putting her to bed early 1 night a week and then have 'date night' at home? You get dressed up, cook (or order take-away) and have it be just you and hubby. Have some adult un-interupted dinner conversation. After ward spend some time together. Maybe watch a movie, or just snuggle on the sofa. If you do try to have some 'grown-up' time at home and things still are not working out then I would suggest counseling. I hope things get better!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:19 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • The thing is, every night that he is home we snuggle up on the couch and watch movies. We spend time together every night after my DD goes to bed and the previous posts suggested him helping me more, well he already does that. he takes my DD off my hands when he gets home to give me some down time. I don't understand what else he wants from me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • If you ask him, he will tell you.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 4:17 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • I agree ask him. I took the baby monitor out of my sons room when he could walk. Sounds like you are a great mom, but unless it's for medical reasons, I'm not sure why you still have a baby monitor in her room.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 4:23 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Things change.When children come along we naturally have to change how we do things.If he wanted things like before you had your dd,then I guess you should have considered not having kids.As moms we spread ourselves pretty thin.You can't be everything to him and maintain yourself as her mom,there's just not enough time in the day! JMO,but he sounds like a pouting child! Sit down and talk.It sounds like you're doing all you can.Maybe he just has to get over himself!
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 5:21 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • It sounds like he's trying to find an excuse for something.....

    Your best bet is to confront him and demand open and honest communication about what he actually wants. Make him tell you, write it, whatever, then within reason meet his needs. Ask him what he means by being closer, what can you do. Don't let him say, well we're just not close. You were close when you were married, having a baby shouldn't change that, it should make you two stronger. So he needs to stop with the lame cop out excuse about your daughter.
    lilmommy0416

    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 6:35 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Plan weekend away with just him, and really focus on him and your marriage. He is telling you that he needs you and he misses you! I know it can be so easy to get really wrapped up in your child as a SAHM, but bottom line is that your marriage is the foundation to everything in your life: your parenting, your ability to stay home, your child getting a father and a mother, etc. You are also to model to your daughter what it takes to be a good wife and make a marriage work, and likewise your husband is to model what kind of man she should marry/ how men should treat her. Try the book, "In Praise of Stay At Home Moms" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" both by Dr. Laura.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 3:22 AM on May. 6, 2009

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