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How have you dealt with a 10 year old boy who lies and steals frequently?

I am in process of divorce (I filed nearly a year ago). Kids live with me most of the time, which is what they prefer. I left a man who was verbally abusive, manipulative, always right. Nuff said about him, he is still the father of our children. Our son was caught stealing again, and has mentioned killing himself because he believes that is the only way he will stop. His father has arranged counseling which I would like to attend also (even though there is a restraining order applied to him). I don't mean to go into it so much, I would just like some ideas, experiences, advice, etc. Thanks so much.

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Asked by rapunzel1 at 5:09 PM on May. 4, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (9)
  • poor you, you do need to come together for this i think, you need added support, hopefully your ex, is a good support for your child, even if he wasnt for you, otherwise it may make the situation worse, as long as your ex has no alterior motive to get at you, is what i would be concerned about, i think you should also take a good supportive person you trust with you.good luck

    Answer by niceandspice at 5:18 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • ask him the reason why he is doing all this . And if he does need help send him to counciling.if not serious have your ex husband help you with him and ' both of you give him love and support as well.


    Answer by incarnita at 5:35 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • Ask him why he wants to go to jail?
    and then call the police,next time you catch him..

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • It sounds like he could be acting out because of the home situation. I would get him into some kind of counceling. Hope it all works out.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 10:27 PM on May. 4, 2009

  • my son does exactly the same all the time he does, i make him returned were was belong and make him apologize well its work plus i ponish him for a whole week. plus i think they do that to call your attention, and maybe thats the only way to see his parents together. good luck!

    Answer by loly-pop at 7:35 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Your ex did the right thing by getting him into counseling. It sounds like your son really needs it. Also, family counseling is an excellent idea. You could take him to the police station and have an officer talk to him about the consequences of stealing and lying. It really sounds like it is because of the family situation. I would have him return the items he steals and write an apology letter. As for the lying, have him write out dictionary pages or Bible passages. Otherwise, be there and let him know that the family situation is NOT his fault and he can talk to you anytime about his feelings and what he is going through. Spend some time with just him, show him how much you love him. Good luck!!

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:48 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • This kid is begging for help. You and you're husband have destroyed his psyche and he needs serious counseling to help him deal with his life being so disheveled. This isn't a time for tough love or the police. He needs help. You all do as a family but him mostly. Some kids act out like this when their lives have been torn apart no matter what the situation was.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Next time he steals make him return it. Then work for whoever it was from fro free. And then take a trip to the local jail. Have a cop talk to him.

    Answer by Doodlesrevenge at 8:06 AM on May. 11, 2009

  • Since he already knows right from wrong, the why is the key. Is he doing it because he wants things that he doesn't have the means to get? Is it a nervous habit - f'ex pocketing fairly useless items smaller than your palm, or is it a malicious habit - targeted at specific people?

    It sounds more like a nervous habit, because he is feeling powerless over his own stealing, lies about it and feels unable to stop. It's sometimes less about 'I want that' and more about the tactile value of that object. 'I'd like to recapture the sensation this object creates when there is no one to watch me with it.' Sort of like a child who is sneaking food.

    He's already got fear, which causes the lying. So additional fear of consequences will just result in more lying. I am out of words. A plan to help him deal with the impulse would be a good place to start.

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 9:18 AM on May. 13, 2009

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