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Punishment guilt

So my son lied to me today. Once about something mundane, but instead of owning up to it, he lied to cover the lie. I told him if he lied to me one more time, regardless, he wasn't going to go to the carnival this weekend. Yeah, I said it before I thought it through. Well, I work on Mother's day and the carnival was going to be my time with him. So I asked him about 20 minutes later if he had put away his laundry and his response was yes. He hadn't. I am now upset that I gave that "threat". Would be it me insane to sit him down and ask him if he felt he should miss the carnival or if he should be grounded from video games and TV for X amount of time? I would explain the carnival is one day, and the grounding would be probably 7-10. What do you think?


Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 2:22 AM on May. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • I tend to make those same oops's sometimes!!!! We just get wayyyyy ahead of ourselves when we get lied to, at least I do!!!! Why is it that kids will lie about something and then lie to cover that lie and then lie again!? I have told my kids MANY times that if they tell me the truth like they didnt do their chores and I get upset, that I would get EVEN MORE UPSET if IM LIED TO about it!!!! ERRRRRR!!!! I WANT TO SAY that I wouldnt change my mind regardless if this happened to me and my child, but I would probably give my child the choice! But a little voice in my head is saying that I should stick with what I told the child first cause what if he does it again and thinks that you will give him 'grounding options' you know what I mean? What if he lies again and thinks that he can negotiate with you on what he is 'grounded' from... kids are smart!!! Parenting is hard sometimes!!!

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 2:35 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • i would give him the choice, but don't be upset if he takes the one day over the 7-10

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:26 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I think it depends on how badly you really dont want him to lie. ...If you really dont want him to lie, if you are really trying to get your point accross stick with what you said. If you think you have more time to deal with the situation or if he's generally a good kid and will get the point with a lesser discipline then give him the choice.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:33 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • My son is currently grounded from him video games. I think that is a much more appropriate punishment as when they ask several times over the week if they can play you can take that time to discuss their offense.
    You are his mom, sit him down and tell him that the punishment does not fit the crime and you are changing it. Not sure how old your son is but it works for us. DS is a very mature 5 this summer and it works for us.
    Good Luck and I hope you get to have fun at the fair.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 6:17 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • You already told him what the punishment would be and you need to stick with it. I have learned from experience, if you don't stick with what you said then they will think they can get away with it the next time.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:32 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I have had to punish my son just like this over one little lie, then another and another...and ended up losing my time that I had set aside for him. However, if you make the "threat" you have to be prepared to follow through with it. Now that you've set a second stipulation he may very well try to bargain his way out of a more harsh punishment later on. Be prepared for your son, as he grows, to debate his punishment with you. I don't do that. What I say goes. If my son screws up and I forewarned him then that is what it is, I do NOT accept dictatorship from a child when I run the show. So if he lied to me and I found out about the lies then his hindquarters are mine, he knows this.

    Be fully preparred for the follow through and then follow through with it. Do NOT give your son the avenue that he can get around you on punishment. He will see you as weak. You are not weak.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 7:38 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I think you need to stick with the punishment you gave out. I know it will suck for you, but in the end he will learn you mean what you say. As the mom of three boys believe me this is important for when they are teens. If they think you can be swayed they will eat you alive. Honesty is a very important chacater quality in a person. Develop that now in your child or deal with the consequences later.

    Answer by salexander at 3:32 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • "You already told him what the punishment would be and you need to stick with it. I have learned from experience, if you don't stick with what you said then they will think they can get away with it the next time."

    I totally agree with this. You must follow through on any punishment that you threatened. I make doubly sure never to state an exact punishment until I have thought it through well for exactly this reason. Following through with consequences is very very important and will become even more so as the kids age. If at this point I did not follow through on punishments, my soon to be 17-year-old son would walk all over me given half a chance.....and I promise you that isn't gonna happen.

    Answer by lucindamartinez at 10:01 AM on May. 7, 2009