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I need some serious help....

I have a very evolved sexual past that includes 3 and 4 somes. I made the mistake of telling my dh before we got engaged all of this information thinking that if he knew the truth about me, he could take me or leave me. We have been married for 4 years and he will not let me forget it. This is really affecting our sex life. He wants me to do something that makes him feel special. For example: he asked me if I would have a threesome with him and I said "NO." Then he tells me that he really didn't want to have a threesome he just wanted to know if I would do something like that to make him feel special. I don't know what to do and he feels like there is nothing that he can do to please me. What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 AM on May. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Insure him that you was just being "immature with your sexuality" and you were over it when you told yourself you wanted to be married. That is something that is given up for the one soul mate. He shouldnt say that he wants that for you to make him feel special because that would be demeaning to him. Try to show him that you do not need a raunchy night with three strangers to be happy. You just need the love of your life, it can be slow an sensual or kinky but with him it doesnt matter it is always perfect enough! Always! GL

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 3:30 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I agree with Bugsmommy1908. Remind and reassure him that you came clean to him about your sexual past because you wanted to put it behind you and be with just him.
    I've never had anything that kinky or what have you but it dosen't appeal to me either. Let him know that it's not what you are looking for and that it dosen't compare to what the two of you have now.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 6:57 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Tell him he should feel special. What you had before was just sex, experimenting, and what you have now is love, that every time you touch him, it's with a heartful of love, and that you have the best of both worlds now. Great sex that is full of love, emotion, and passion.
    Compliment him on how great he is in the bedroom so he'll know that you think he's the best you've ever had. He likely feels that he can't possibly do for you what 2 or 3 other people at the same time could do. And tell him that part of your life is in the past and you didn't get married to have sex with other people (if you don't want to do).
    You did the right thing telling him so it didn't come back and bite you later but tell him that part of your life is over and it hurts you when he brings it up and that it was wrong for him to "test" you.
    Lots of compliments in and out of the bedroom.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:03 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I guess my sexual past isn't as experienced as yours but I can relate to what you're saying. My husband had very little sexual experience before we got together and has some serious issues with my past. When he acts jealous and says things about how is he special I tell him that I married him. I would just tell your husband that he's special because he's the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and that your refusal to have a threesome is simply because you have no interest in possibly ruining your bond with eachother for simple sexual satisfaction. He and your relationship with him means more to you than that.

    Answer by 3tobe03040709 at 9:11 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Thank goodness my husband doesn't really want to know all my sexual history. He wouldn't like some of it, and he knows that so he doesn't ask and I don't tell. My hubby isn't into threesomes, etc. And that's good because that stuff was fun when I was single, but I would never ever do that when I love someone. I just can't.

    It's hard, but ask him point blank what he wants that you can do for him to feel special.

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:09 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Tell him you got married because you want him and only him. You could never share him with another person. Let him know he is all you need and you do not want another person in your bed with you. Tell him that was the past and you were just experimenting. You would never want that for your married life. Also it is statistically proven that relationship that engage in threesomes never last. They are very destructive. Let him know you want him and only him. And there is stuff he can do to please you, extra kissing, romance, massage etc. It sounds like the problem is a litlle deeper too. Ar you sure he's worried he can't please you? Or is he using your past to manipulate you into having a threesome? more details.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 1:26 PM on May. 5, 2009

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