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How do I get my husband to stop contradicting decisions I make for my children? i.e.: We just ate supper and the kids are in the refrigerator and begging for ice cream, and we had stopped for ice cream on the way home that night. I say it's too much, and my husband gives it to them anyway. (Just one small example)

My husband is constantly telling me I am too strict and I blow things out of proportion. I have no control over my children when he is home! I can't tell them "No" to anything and have it stick if my husband is home. It is soooooooo frustrating! I want my children to be safe first off, and second, I want them to understand boundries. I can't seem to win. Any advise as to how to get my husband to understand how important this is would be very welcome. Oh, fyi, I do love my husband very much, and respect his opinions.

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Asked by jach at 9:46 AM on May. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • Tell him to stop disrespecting you. You are not a child you are their mother.
    If he doesn't like something that you have done, it needs to be addressed away from
    the children. He is making sides, instead of making your family a team.
    Tell him to grow up or you all are going to fall apart.

    Answer by Dannee at 9:48 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • tell the truth he is teaching the kids to disrespect you and the laws of the home and than the laws of the land.
    What I would of done is " I said NO and I would of taken the ice cream away" You better put your foot down hard. And just tell your husband I said NO! That he can not change what you have said, because it will hurt the kids in the future understanding the rules.
    I do know kids like this and they are monsters.

    Answer by gammie at 9:56 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Your husband and you need to work as a team. If he is contradicting you and your decisions, he is only teaching your kids that they don't have to respect your word. If I disagree with something my husband does, or the other way around, we talk about it AFTER the kids have gone to bed and try to come to a middle ground that we both can agree on in case the situations comes up again. You need to talk to your husband because doing something like that is going to bite the both of you in the butt down the road...
    Best of luck!

    Answer by PB_J at 10:00 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Yeah, you do need to act as a team. It's confusing to children when their parents don't agree on things. I hope he doesn't say these things to you, that you are too strict, in front of the kids. One day he will regret doing all this. The prob is, you will, too. More then you do now. Your kids know how to walk all over you. Put your foot down, he's got to understand that him doing this is being a bad parent. It really is.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:17 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I think when one spouse thinks the other is too strict, the other will go the oppiset direction to compensate.Maybe you both need to give in a little and agree somewhere in the middle.But I know how hard that is to accomplish.

    Answer by evelynwest at 10:42 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • i was going through the same thing with my fiance but then one day the kids reversed it- he said no to something and they came and asked me and i said yes- he got all upset and i told him- see? now u know how i feel when i say no to something and u over rule me! lol- after that we had a discussion on why its important that he backs me up when i say stuff and he pretty much got the message through but still now and then he will slip up- i think its because since im home all day everyday with them and he is away working most of the time- when he leaves were all sleeping and when he gets back the kids are sleeping so when he is home and here with the kids he spoils them to make up for not being home- do u think thats wut ur hubby is feeling? maybe u can try the role reversal thing and see if that gets through to him? good luck though!

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 10:46 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • You must present a united front as parents. As the children get older, and maybe even now, they'll realize they can get away with things. Besides, you don't want to always be the mean parent. It sounds as though counseling is needed here.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:47 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Bmat well said. I was going to use the exact words united front. If DH and I disagree we try very hard to walk away where the kids cannot hear and work it out. They will use the old devide and conquer every time if they know you are at odds.

    Answer by salexander at 2:26 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I agree with the others, you have to work as a team and show respect both ways. By working as a team, you show the children an united front and that both parents respect the other. If you don't work together then your DH is teaching your children that they do not need to respect you just like he does not respect you. It is one thing to have him try to discuss giving them more with you, its another to just give it to them with no regards to you.

    Answer by kittymom at 3:00 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Yes. he does back me up but my problem is the kids seem to think they dont have to listen to at all they are angles when he walks in the door and when he walks out hell breaks loose it so crazy.

    Answer by lienna at 3:12 PM on May. 5, 2009

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