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I dont know what to do anymore!

My marriage seems like it is falling apart and I am sick and tired of getting treated like crap! Here is my husband who thinks he knows everything and thinks he is ALWAYS right and i mean always! He has a quick temper ( dont' worry i am not scared of him hitting me b/c i know without a shadow of a doubt he won't ) but I am sick and tired of the mental abuse. He calls me stupid braindead etc. Makes me feel like crap and constantly saying stuff about my family . i have learned to ignore him but it is bringing my self esteem really low! I have a 1 yr. old son with him and I can't just leave. What can I say to him or do to scare him or something to stop him from treating me like this? I am sick of it! I deserve so much better. I dont' want you to say you need to leave b/c I know i probably should but I can't get myself too b/c i care about my son too much to get him in the middle of that. Just give me some advice .

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on May. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • he wont change, take it or leave it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I have to agree he won't change. I loved my husband and felt like I said for better or worse. I kept trying harder and making sure the house was spotless and everything was done so he wouldn't be crabby. I ended up wearing myself out. I got to the point where a great dinner was made, dd was taken care of, and house was clean..plus I was working and only sleeping a few hrs each night...and he was still an a$$. My dad had told me one time that I wasn't allowed to come home because he wanted me to be sure i had enough of my husbands $hit because when I come home it would beonly one time...there would be no running back to him. I finally had enough and left for my dd sake and I don't regret it at all. it took alot of time but now 4 yrs later I don't have alot of money but I have a peace of mind everyday...priceless!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:11 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Abusers say cruel things to others to project how they feel about themselves. My x said some pretty nasty crap to me one day and I had enough of it and looked him in the eye and said "I'm sorry your parents said those horrible words to you but mine didn't and I'm not going to accept them now. Stop it". I think I scared the crap out of him but he never said ugly things to me again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:19 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • thanks admchkenzie i will try to remember that the next time he goes on his rant and rave. I will try and see if it works with him but i really do think he doesn't think that great about himself tha tis why he does ti but that is still NO excuse for him to make me feel worse about myself b/c i feel pretyt good about myself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Your husband's opinion of you should not affect your opinion of yourself, any more than should anyone else's. The best way to diffuse that kind of talk is to very calmly thank him for sharing his opinion and then ask him if he has any suggestions as to how you might go about fixing what he sees as the problem. When you become all hurt and defensive, he has you right where he wants you. So you have to change the way that you respond to his jabs. When he insists that he is right, agree with him. It doesn't mean that you have to give up your opinion. You can just say, "I'm sure you're probably right, but this is how I see it." You never have to give up your right to be you nor do you have to give up the rights to your own way of thinking. To the contrary, when you begin to demonstrate your confidence in yourself, you will usually find your husband's estimation of you will rise to new levels. You control you!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:41 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • Don't get upset or emotional when he does it. Keep your cool and point out to him that it does not help the situation when he calls you names. Ask him if this is what he wants. Ask him if he want a relationship where you two are always fighting and mean things are being said. And darlin maybe you do need to leave him for a while. Do not let your son be an excuse because he may treat your son the same way in the future. If you tolerate his behavior he will continue to do it. And sometimes the only way to let him know you're done is to leave. So you need to seriously look at that as a possibility. As long as he knows you'll never leave him, he may never stop. Tell him his insults are killing your love for him. Ask him if he wants this to be over because that is what he mean behavior is saying. You don't treat the people you love like that. Tell him this is not love. My dad was like that and didn't change till after the divorce
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 11:52 AM on May. 5, 2009

  • I went thru the samething with my ex and I finaaly had it, the kids begged me to leave him and I didn't. Finally the physical abuse gotten worse so I finally did. At this time it had a major affect on my kids mentally. Eventhough they were young when it all started, they remember and it does have an affect on them as well. I am glad I did left my ex but regret that I did not do it sooner
    lily7

    Answer by lily7 at 5:46 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Can't tell you whether to leave or not but do consider this: Your son will grow up watching all of this. He will imitate what his daddy does. He may even think his mom is stupid. Or he may think women are stupid and treat his future girlfriend/wife the way your husband treats you.
    lil-lost1

    Answer by lil-lost1 at 8:15 PM on May. 5, 2009

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