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What do you think about this

My guy sends money when he has it to help his family in Gautemala, and I'm ok with that, I don't ask him how much he sends but know he does. He pretty much takes care of his mom, dad one of his sisters. They don't have jobs but the others that live in his parents house do, but my problem is that if he doesn't have the money to send them, they cry and make him feel guilty and tell him what he does with all his money and his uncle here gets on him about not sending the rest of the family money ( uncles, aunts, cusins) because his uncle does but he make 3x the money my guy does, and I am so sick of them making him feel or less a person for not taking care of them, they are grown ups they are not kids why should he be responsible for all these people, it just drives me crazy. plus when he calls they tell him oh your dads drinking tell him to stop, or take all the responsibility. Hes 20 and has alot here and doesn't need the stress

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on May. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • First off, your man needs to worry about his family here FIRST! He should not have to support his mom, dad sisters, cousins or whomever else. If after he gets bills paid here, groceries in the house and you all have some "extra" money to send them, go for it!! I honestly would put a stop to it until the family here comes first and is taken care of.


    As for his other family members here that put him down, take a break from them and ignore them for awhile! yes, its harsh to say but honestly, he would feel so much better not having someone at his throat!


     


    I have a friend that is in this same position with her hubby. He sends his money to mexico and refuses to help out with his daughter here along with his wife and adopted 2 boys

    SweetKYmom

    Answer by SweetKYmom at 12:10 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • It sounds like your guy needs to talk to someone like a therapist to talk about why he feels like he has to have all of the responsibility. He probably feels morally obligated to help them but sometimes just handing them over money isnt truly helping them its making the relationship strained, its bad for everyone. You expect when your child is an adult they go out and start their own careers or family and you dont ask for money maybe in that culture its diffrent. I just think they know that your guy has money and they feel entitled to it. Have you had a talk about it with him. Does he mind helping out all the time or is that just your feeling about it? If your not his wife you really cant say much but you can be there for him and ask him questions like is he going to keep giving them money even when he has a family of his own? Get him thinking also then you will know what to expect when it comes to your future with him.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:15 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I have talked to him about it and I blew up on him the other day because of him uncle telling him what to do and he doesn't like to send them money but if he doesn't his mom or dad calls and crys to his uncle to yell at him, and he does and makes him feel bad, plus he thinks that he owes them from when he was like 12 oor 14 he used to steel money from there in house store and it went out of buisness, but they steel money out of his bank in Gautemala to and didn't tell him till it was gone. I try to talk to him about this and told him that me and our son come first then you can deal with them, but he just gets cought in the drama
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Sweetie, I know exactly what you are going through My husband makes less than $400 a week, but he feels that he needs to support his family in Mexico. Both of his parents work. His father owns two houses, and has a ranch. He is buying up land like mad to have a really big farm. His mother own her own business, a store, but Toby feels that he still has to send money to Mexico. I finally went off on him to no end. He told me that he had $2000 saved up here, which was great because our daughter was due in February. We had an ice storm and he lost his job between the end of January and the week before Eva was due. Then I find out he sent $700 to Mexico and had no money saved. I was furious. And the worse part, we thought they were saving money forus, they spent it all!!! It sounds like we have a lot in common. Talk to me when ever you need to vent. Believe me, I understand.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:26 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Go visit his family. Live their life for one day. Then look at what you have here. I don't think you would still be so petty.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 12:33 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • If sending them money helps provide the alcohol that makes dad drink then I'd not feel bad about not sending it. What did they do before to get by before he became their meal ticket and started sending money? It's obvious they are taking advantage of him. I'd find out the cost of living where they live. If he wants to send money then work up an amount in his budget that works and send it and tell them to make a budget too. Tell them to buy food and pay expenses and cut the alcohol crap out or the money will stop coming. It's not his place to provide his dad with a drunken stupor that takes food out of the mouths of his other family members. I'm sure they can grow a garden or buy chickens or a goat, something productive to take care of their own family. Greed is an ugly thing and making him feel bad over their greed is just wrong.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:04 PM on May. 5, 2009

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