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Do you ever get over the feeling of not fitting in with your step-children and spouse?

Sometimes I feel like an outsider with my husband's 2 sons. My husband and the boys have a bond, as father and sons do, but what exactly is my role as their step-mother when their bio-mom is still in their lives?

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cary717

Asked by cary717 at 12:24 PM on May. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (3)
  • I know exactly what you are going through. Been married for almost 3 years and have an 8 year old stepson. His dad works most weekend, so it's just me and my stepson.. Then when he gets home, there are definately times I feel like I'm 3rd party. Best I can tell you is.. Until you find a way to look at it that makes you comfortable.. Either play with them.. Games, or with toys.. Or go shopping or something on weekends and give them their time and do family things at night.. I am a million times better now than I was.. but in the beginning of our marriage, I had a hard time adjusting to coming 2nd on the weekend.. (or so it feels like that) but it does get better.. Just have to find a middle ground
    PeytonsMom21109

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 12:50 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I am a step and bio Mom. My role as step Mom is as my husbands wife. That is it. My husband loves his son, has a bond that I do not have and I will Not try to force or make one that doesn't exist. I Will care for them, ie prepare foods, try to get to know him/them and let them take the lead. I will Never talk against their Mom, will encourage them to be good sons to their Mom, ie respectful which reinforces how they will ultimately treat women one day. I will display how to treat a woman in myself as well.

    I will let them have their own time with their Dad and join them for other activities, ie playing games, watching a movie (making treats for movie, popcorn, desert etc). I will teach them how to help in the home, ie setting, clearing the table, helping with dishes etc as a family. I will ask them about their world etc and be "real"...they know insincerity. Above all, laugh with them. Hope this helps some. Best.
    GraceToU

    Answer by GraceToU at 12:59 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • GraceToU I second that. Very well said. I am his DW nothing more. He has a mother, I am not going to try to make a place for myself that does not exist. I am in my SD life because I am in her fathers, not her choice but his. I care for her, I listen if she needs an ear, I include her in all that we do with our own children when she is with us. I have attended child psychologist meetings with her parents and step dad at her mothers request. I will do what I feel is healthy for her or what she expresses she needs from me and nothing more. I am not in the business of collecting other peoples children. Do you have kids of your own. I will admit, before we had our boys it was kind of hard and I did feel excluded but I think that was my own insecurity rather than them leaving me out. Read Step Mothers, or Blended Families, these books helped me a lot.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:58 PM on May. 5, 2009

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