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How do you help a 12/13 year old get through Middle School bitchiness?

My 12-year old has recently been dropped by her best friend who then tried to get friendly with one of the other girls whom my daughter really likes. (liked now). She feels hurt by both of these girls so wants as little as possible to do with them. She has one other girl that she likes a lot-- Zoe , but does not just want to hang around with Zoe as she does not like all the other girls that Zoe hangs with.
The grade is a hard one and my daughter is a good girl who does not want to hang with the nasty, more interesting girls but also does not want to be with Zoe and her nice but less interesting friends the whole time either.
Any suggestions? Please give practical suggestions as well as hobby suggestions. (not sports though as she is not into that.) She can't move schools either at this time as I am worried that her self-esteem will suffer even more if she does move and the girls at School B are mean too. In tears...

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Asked by diamondgirl18 at 2:50 PM on May. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • What about friends at church could be a nice support for her?? Maybe get her in a painting class or do watercolor painting with her? Does she like to draw get some books from the library and teach yourselves!! Be careful who her friends are as you do not need that peer pressure for her.

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 2:54 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Her self esteem will drop for sure, sorry to say, Middle school is the worst, especially at that age. Motivate her and give her some good motivational speeches. Tell her that now she knows who her real friends are and the best thing to do is to show everyone that she is happy and having a good time and they will get jealous and she will feel better about herself.

    Try getting her into music or painting or writing, that might help. Look for things around town too, for example if there is a nursing home she can help out in, tell her to do it. Keeping old people company is something she can learn a lot from. Or if she isnt a big fan of old people, tell her to learn something new, maybe a language or a skill like welding lol. Teach her something you know that she doesnt too. Spend time with her, and try to bond. Teach her how to cook =)

    Answer by MammaBella at 2:58 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Take this time to hang out and do stuff with her. If you work, talk about your job, ask her what she wants to do.

    Girls can be the absolute worst! Good luck!

    Answer by MizKizzy at 2:59 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • You know this behavior is absolutely normal in Jr High? My daughter got into a lot of "drama" in 7th grade where the girls were constantly fighting, one day they are friends next they are not, I caught one girl writing a note to my daughter telling how ugly she was and hoped she died... Oh yes I confronted this girl! What I did with my daughter was, talked to her about the fact she has choices, and that Jr High is only for two years, some of these girls might change and many will not. Having one or two friends (GOOD FRIENDS) is a lot better than having 4-8 nasty friends. Remind her when she gets to High School she will meet yet MORE friends. Tell her to ask you for advice, give her best advice on approaching the girls, yes they will probably put her down but ya know... I tell you something... (gonna need another reply for this lol) My daughter came home one day crying because....

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 3:03 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • a bunch of boys were making fun of her calling her ugly and what not, and her "supposedly friends" were laughin with the boys. This hurt and she cried for an hour. We talked about it and I told her look, the more you don't say something the more they do it because they can. And if you say something they might laugh at you, but at least you made your stand to let them know if they do things your gonna do or say something. So the next day she did, she went to school just as I told her (on her own) and confronted the girls and said, when you laughed yesterday that hurt my feelings so badly I cried for an hour... The girls did apologize. But what was more amazing was when she confronted the boys, they too also apologized and have never put her down again.... This may not always happen but, either way, when do not learn to speak how we feel, we bottle it up, and that is what tears us apart. I do agree, get her in activities....

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 3:06 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Church, dance, drama, singing, there are many options out there.... This will help her find new friends in a different setting outside of school. If you must try Girl Scouts. High School will have a lot more after school clubs for her in the long run, at least she can look forward to that :)

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 3:06 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • The same thing happened to my daughter at the end of 7th grade (now in 8th grade). Her best school friend and a bunch of other girls she had been friends with since 2nd grade suddenly shunned her, for no apparent reason. Her teachers were stumped, I could not get any information out of her. She started hanging out with neighborhood friends, went to camp over the summer. When school started in the fall, her former best friend apologized and told her that a "queen bee" had convinced them all to stop being friends with my daughter. The BF went back to being my daughter's friend and stopped hanging out with the other girls. As the school year has gone on, another one of the girls has been shunned, and is again friends with my daughter. You need to find a way to teach your daughter to remain true to herself she will make new friends and life will go on.

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:06 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • let her figure it out. Life is rough but the sooner she learns how to cope the better off she'll be and won't turn to drugs or alcohol for solutions later on.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:31 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I am sorry, but I don't think there is a whole lot you can do to ease the blows on her. Just be there for her when she needs you. Offer her your guidance, but allow her to find her own way. She needs to learn now that life is not always easy. Try to encourage your daughter to sign up for classes or activities that interest her, and encourage her to continue her hobbies. Remind her that things will get better... but not necessarily easier. Middle school years are tough.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • Here is the suggestion that my wise pediatrician gave me for my daughter (who is now happily married and mother of 1), as well as what my mother did for me.

    This age is awkward for many girls. Some girls are already into their full grown bodies, some are not (like my dd nor myself), some girls seem to be bragging about being in (very poor) relationships with boys (I did not, nor did my dd). Some girls don't care about these things and are more bookish (i never was, should have been, tho.) So that left me (and then my dd) floating somewhere between being cool and not cool at all.

    Our Ped. (who is the famous Dr. Denmark), taught me to have my dd spend as much time with me as possible. She taught me to talk to her as we go places, enjoy making her MY best friend (not trying to be her best friend). There are lots of fun and interesting ways to do this.


    Answer by lifeasinoit at 12:27 PM on May. 6, 2009

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