Put up a chart.
It has 2 boxes for each child... one is "use only kind words" and the other is "work out problems".
Each child starts the day with 3 or 4 markers in each box (you can use small magnets or anything else that is "removeable")
Each time someone uses mean words, that child loses a marker from that box.
Each time you have to intervene in a fight - they BOTH lose a marker from that box.
Every night, review the day's results with them.
If a child still has at least one marker in both boxes at the end of the day, that child gets a reward - a cookie after dinner, an extra 15 minutes before bed, whatever you want.
They are old enough to learn to settle their own disputes (usually), and are old enough to be held accountable for their actions.
Oh, you may have to add a third box for each... "No tattling" if you start getting calls of "mom, sally called me a name".
at 4:20 PM on May. 5, 2009