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how would you decline to lend money to a family member even if you had the money?

we give generously to good causes but i don't like to lend family money for two reasons.first, if they would learn to budget their money and stop living beyond their means,they probably would not be broke.of course there are exceptions.second,i get really upset when i lend someone money and later see them doing things that i would consider a luxury.i feel bad but my husband and i often refrain from spending money needlessly in order to save for rainy days only to let someone borrow it so they can spend it on movie night with their kids!i don't make comments about being broke because i am not.but i also do not brag about it.i don't say because i don't say i'm broke, people assume i have money and ask to borrow it.i'm not going to lie and say that i'm broke,(some people who have money always talk about being broke so that no one asks them for money(i hate that!)how would you say no truthfully and with tact? can you?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on May. 5, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I would just say that you prefer to not lend money to people because it has a way of complicating relationships. Follow it up with an offer of help in other ways (a shoulder to lean on, etc) and hopefully it will go well. But stick to your guns. Don't be guilted into it if you're not comfortable!

    Answer by deadheadjen at 4:13 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I think if it is a family member and they are in need you should help them DEFINATELY!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I never loan money. I have told family members I would pay a bill for them or to give me a grocery list and I will buy the stuff for them. I will not just give them money and trust they will spend it wisely or pay me back. I have been burned too many times. I loaned my brother money to pay his bills they went shopping. He then asked for more I said no way. He aske me again if I would help them save their house and I turned them down. They still have their house thanks to TARP. I did pay a bill for him. If they want help it is on my terms if they don't like it they can beg someone else for money.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I don't lend money to anyone. My parents repeatedly lent money to my brother, who never paid them back, and in fact stole from them. Helping him actually made things worse, he never felt the need to be responsible, because he could always count on mom and dad to bail him out. After he managed to wipe out my mother's life savings, only then was he forced to stand on his own. He was FIFTY!

    If your family members are responsible, you might help them out. However, it doesn't sound like that is the case.

    Answer by mancosmomma at 4:26 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • if my family really needed it of course i would! but only if i saw that they were doing everything they could to help themselves! so you would not feel uncomfortable forking over $3000-$6000 to watch it be spent on things that you don't spend on so that you don't go broke? besides, chances are if they are spending needlessly, they will go through the borrowed money just as quickly and then never have enough money to pay you back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • i ws always told "never a borrower or lender be" i didnt listen and i lent money to 2 different sets of friends. neither have paid me back. i would say im sorry, i do not feel comfortable with it, i dont want to lose or change the relationship we have. also i am trying to save whatever i can because the you never knows whats gonna happen with the economy. if you are in need of money i will help you figure out a way to save, or help with a garage sale. good luck!

    Answer by RhiannonHunt at 4:29 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • We made a choice years ago, after being burned of course, that we would never lend money to anyone again. That doesn't mean we became emotionless, non compassionate jerks. We will buy groceries, pay a bill or in my Moms caser give her money but it is a GIFT in our mind. If we happen to get it back great, we use it towards a good cause. Usually the money doesn't come back and thats okay. We never, ever gift money we can't afford. Period.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:30 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • i don't want to "gift" even if i do have the money! of course, my parents are a different story. they don't even have to ask...

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • You sound rather stingy. You should always be generous to your family.

    And living above a person's means isn't always the reason why a person needs to borrow money. It's not your place to judge.

    If you don't want to lend any money, then be honest about your stingy nature and say so. But karma will bite you in the butt, count on it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Lady, hearses don't come with luggage racks for a reason. I think you have a stick up your judgemental butt and really need to buy a heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on May. 5, 2009