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Is counseling a good idea?

I am done with my 7 year old. I don't know what to do with him anymore. He has major anger issues and out of nowhere will go from be a happy loveable boy to an absolute out of control monster. He gets so angry over the smallest things. He tells me he hates me, he doesn't want to live with me anymore, he snaps at his younger siblings. He screams, throws things, yells just over the edge out of control. His father is in the military and is gone more than he is home, so that may have something to do with it, but he's been gone a while now and this rage has just really started within the past few weeks. I think he needs some sort of counseling, his father thinks it's just a phase and he'll get over it. It's starting to effect the whole family though. His siblings are starting to copy him, and I am constantly on edge, not knowing what is going to set him off. He won't talk to me when I ask him why he's so angry, even after

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on May. 5, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (14)
  • continued....
    he calms down. He can be such a sweet loveable boy. He'll go days without any outbursts, then we'll go through a week where he's going off every single day. It's really starting to effect the rest of the family. His younger siblings are starting to repeat some of the awful things he says to me, and I am constantly on edge because I never know what to expect from him. His father doesn't thing counseling is a good idea, he thinks I should just wait it out, says he'll eventually get over it. But he's not here to see what's going on. Do you think counseling is the way to go, or should I do as my husband wants and wait it out?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Yes I would take him to a therapist. He might have some underlying issue or problem that he is angry or upset about and just doesn't know how to express his feelings. Also he could be bi-polar. My aunt was just recently diagnosed. She is either really happy or really sad/angry. Either way going to a therapist will better help you understand what is going on with your son and its not going to hurt anything to just see what they think is the problem. Good luck!
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 6:35 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Oh sweetie you poor thing. You know what, I think counselling absolutely works for YOU! (not necessarily for him rght now - get yourself straight then you will be able to think clearly) Go and get someone you can vent to, and give you some tools to deal with him, and your feelings toward him. Me personally. I don't like 9 yr olds- haven't liked any of my kids at 9, and it is really hard when you have those feelings toward your child. With support and a good sounding board, you will find the energy to deal with him and pull him into line. XX
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:37 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • it probably does have a lot to do with dad being gone alot, my daughter is 3 and acts out horribly when dh is deployed. i would say take him to counseling explain to your husband that you appreciate his input in the situation however you are the one that is home, and you can't deal with whatever is bothering your son on your own, so you are going to seek outside help. my husband had some issues last time he was deployed b/c i made the final decision to have our dd's tonsils and aednoids taken out before he had decided how he felt about it being done (at her age she had just turned 2) but then he realized he has to make decisions while hes gone that affect us and i have to do the same thing for our daughter and would never do anything that would harm her. counseling should be able to find the core problem then teach him ways to deal with the anger. and maybe since hes older you can let him write his own emails and letters CONT
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 6:37 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I think you need to get your son counseling and SOON. I'm sure with his dad being away is part of it but there may be something going on at school that you don't know about but a child who's that angry is crying out for help. DOn't wait to long, you don't want things to get beyond help. This is definitely not just a phase but men tend to shove things under the rug and want their kids to tough it out but I URGE you to get help for your young son.
    jasey929

    Answer by jasey929 at 6:39 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • PS great that hubby doesn't think counselling is a good idea - BECAUSE HE'S NOT THE ONE DEALING WITH IT !!! Go with your instincts, but I would get the counselling for yourself to get strategies to deal with him. Good Luck
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:39 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • to dad, ones you don't "proof read" that way he can still have that link to his dad w/o you being involved in it. if he can't write them on his own, and doesn't want you to write them for him, maybe a close friend or family member can act as his secretary and he can dictate letters or emails to them. i find my dd is much better behaved when hubby has a chance to talk to her more often b/c she knows he's still there and he still loves her, however we are fortunate and he can call every other week or so, so letters may be the only option you have
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 6:39 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I'm so sorry to hear! My 8 year old son has been extra emotional lately and it has been really weighing on my mind/heart - but not as strongly as it sounds your son is showing. Sounds like you've tried to talk to him and to no avail .... it could be the simplist thing too. How is school going? have you talked to his teacher? I've found it's good to talk to the recess teachers too cause they see our sons out there being active & wild :) Another idea (if possible since DH is gone and you have other kids) is to get out together and do something just you and him. My DS asked me to do this and so we are going to DQ tonight. He's really looking forward to it. I would do counseling if I were you since it sounds pretty severe and causing angst for the whole family. best wishes momma!!!
    mysweetJBs

    Answer by mysweetJBs at 6:40 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • i think its a good idea to give counceling a try
    go to the pedi talk to them about it and get some names
    good luck
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:36 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Bi-polar is the first thing that comes to mind when I read this. There is a documentart I've recently read about Stephen Fry, a Brittish actor who himself was diagnosed with this disease. I hope that you will watch the link I send you on youtube. I might be wrong about this inclination, but I think that you definitely need to tell your son's doctor about your concerns and get a referral to some sort of behavioral institute so you can get an assessment done. How do his teachers at school feel about his behavior? How do other ppl not part of your family feel? If his behaviors are affecting your family like this I think counseling for all would benefit and would certainly help you cope and learn the triggers to what is causing this behavior. I tried posting this on here already but deleted it because I realized I sent you the wrong link. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nXgZlvjkAo

    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 7:38 PM on May. 5, 2009

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