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what should i do about step children?

i have never considered them any different then my own with the exception of i'm stricter on my biological son. because i raised him from birth and he knew what he could and could not do. however when my husband and i got together he has two children from a previous marriage. one daughter and son ages 5 and 3. thier mother had just up and left them at their baby sitters and never returned til here a couple of years ago. they do not respect me. and treat me like, for lack of a better word, trash. when their father is not in ear shot. but when he is around it's i love you. when i try to explain it always comes out like i'm picking on the daughter especially. i'm not. she takes whats not hers. she will not listen to any thing i tell her, but she doesn't listen to her father either. she picks on my biological son. i try to step back and let her father handle any of the discipline, but there is none.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on May. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • Have a sit down with the DH and work out a 'discipline plan'. A rule book, if you will . In the rules you will put down on paper what behaviors they are preforming and the discipline for each behavior. You will both need to be consistant !!! that is the key! He needs to be on board with the program. Whenever someone breaks a rule...go to the chart and see what the discipline is.

    If you both get on the same page...the kids will know that they cannot divide you.

    Good luck!!!

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 7:53 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • ps...

    they really want this structure! Kids need it and love it...once you start the plan...they will blossom. They need parents!

    It is sad that their mom left them, they may even be acting out with you because they are pissed at her. Or ...they may be afraid that you will leave too. Tell them that you love them...Tell them that you will NEVER leave them. ..they need to hear that more than anything!

    hugs! :)

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 7:55 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • I'm not understanding how all that happened if you were rearing the children all this time until the mom came back. Children learn what they live. Where did their confusion on how to treat you and your husband come into play?

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:27 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • That is something you husband has to address, just like you wouldn't disrespect his children you shouldn't be expected to take that behavior from them either. Sounds like everyones hurt and dont know how to handle their feelings...good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • There is a Step-Moms club on this site too. You will find more helpful information there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on May. 6, 2009

  • I am the group owner of one of the stepmom groups on CafeMom - it's called "Support Group for Stepmoms..." Send me a message if you can't find it. There is also a stepmom website called - the members there literally saved my sanity and my marriage many times over. Don't know if I'd still be married if it were not for their honest, loving, and sometimes kick in the pants advice. Only other stepmoms fully understand what you're going through. I encourage you to reach out on a regular basis to one of these groups and start forming relationships with others who understand you. I can tell you that my husband is VERY glad I found online stepmom support, I gripe to him less and it eases the stress.

    Answer by texassahm at 7:00 PM on May. 7, 2009

  • if dh doesn't believe you set up a video camera when he is out. it may not capture all the scenery, but even the voices will help.

    Answer by mrssullivan at 6:16 AM on May. 12, 2009

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