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How do I speak my mind nicely?

I have a problem of when something goes wrong I feel that I need to make it right. And if I made some one mad then I feel like I need to explain to help them understand and I find a sick feeling when they do not understand or still mad at me. I also find my self letting people do too much to me before I say anything and by the time I do decide to say something I let alot of little things build up and I end up blowing up "made a mountain out of alot of mole hills".. I do not know how to speak my mind.. I feel like I will hurt thier feelings and I do not want to so I do not say anything and it keeps happening and eventually I just blow up... And then I sometimes get mad and do not want to talk to them cause I feel like they took advantage of me and to me when they are friends or family that is very WRONG... But how do I get over that with out feeling like they have once again allowed me to allow them to crap on me..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on May. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I felt the same for a long time, especially in my relationship. I was this quiet, meek little mouse of a woman who did everything possible to keep a smile on my face. I am a pleaser by nature until one day I went crazy with a hammer and busted something up that I'd asked him to move ten times. One day I just let it go, everything all at once, that I'd kept quiet, inside, etc...It's something that I don't feel guilty about. You know there's a limit and I had reached mine in the ER with chest pain related to anxiety. Now I don't hold in anything. My blood pressure reached a whopper of 168/108 because I'm a pleaser. Now if he's an ass I just tell him. You gotta pick your battles, too. It's better when you let it out. I'd gone a the time span of a couple weeks from an uptight and silently angry little woman to a nagging bitch. The nagging bitch gets more done and gets attention quicker. Just let it loose, when appropriate.
    Reds1974

    Answer by Reds1974 at 9:54 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • sweety, when you find the answer, tell me... cause i have the same problem
    it seems as if im a stepping stool... people take advantage and even when im mad i cant seem to say anything till it builds up to a point where i cant take it anymore...
    people like us just have really big hearts... you dont want to hurt them, but you dont want to be walked on either. sometimes the easiest way for me is to write it out in a journal and let them read it, or write letters or emails..... vent it all out-THEN try and communicate it with them.
    It doesnt make you a bad person to be honest with them...
    so just whatever you do, keep your head up and smile... because you take a lot, and you care more than you should... and the people that love the most get hurt the most but in the end its still always worth it... at least for me it is.
    I wish i could be more help.....but like i said... i struggle with the same thing...
    good luck sweety!
    trystons_mommy

    Answer by trystons_mommy at 9:55 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Being tactful can be somewhat of an art. I find that when I speak honestly, from my heart, before I things get out of hand, I tend not to offend people as much. However, if I keep quiet and let it build and build and then speak, I speak from anger or negative emotion rather than from my logic. If you feel people are taking advantage of you, then you simply need to practice saying '"NO" or "I can't" or "please don't do that, it makes me uncomfortable" when you feel they are asking too much of you or doing something that really bothers you deeply. It's that simple, no explanations needed. Just say: "I'm sorry, I can't do that for you right now." People may be shocked at first, but they will come to respect you for it later.
    moniquinha

    Answer by moniquinha at 9:56 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • This is learned. It is tough as women we are taught to be kind or polite where men just blurt out whatever is bumming them out and then get over it. You need to say what is bothering you on the spot. It's how you SAY it that is the finesse or art form that you need to learn. Ex: friend uses you for a ride as much as she can. You realize this and say, "Sue, I love you dearly and want to help when I can but I cannot always be your ride because I have other obligations that I must attend to and sometimes it makes me feel like a taxi driver even though I know that isn't your intention."
    If you said this, it plants the seed politely that you really don't want to help her each day and she should back off. If she doesn't, she's being downright rude.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:01 PM on May. 5, 2009

  • Just blurt it out. It will work itself out. If you say it from the heart and they get angry then it's their issue and you do not have to explain anything. Don't let them make you feel guilty. There are some places that give assertiveness training classes. Check online and see if there are any in your area.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 PM on May. 5, 2009

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